It's funny, it has been a crazy day, and I just knew today that I needed to take some time to write. It helps me so much when I do. I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. I had to write about the chapel lesson the Lord gave to me for last week. The reason that that is funny to me, is because I just looked at the title to my last post and it's a similar theme, but I didn't even realize it until I looked at the title just now.
Last week I was asked if I would be willing to do the first chapel of the school year for elementary. I LOVE chapel, love to do chapel, so of course I said I would be willing. But once I said that, then I had to think and pray about what I should talk about. On the way home from church Wednesday night, the Lord brought to mind something about new things, beginnings, starting, and growing. Then the neatest thing happened! He just randomly (which was of course not random for Him...just for me :) brought to mind my plants, specifically my spider plant. A couple of years ago, one of my students brought in a spider plant for me as a gift. I was so excited, I love plants and we used to have spider plants when I was growing up, so it was cool to have my own now. That spider plant has grown a lot since she gave it to me, I even have two new plants that I have grown from the one she gave me...and there are still some other small plants hanging from the original that I need to replant. But the Lord made me think of that plant and also brought a great lesson to mind thinking about that plant. Here it is:
It's a new school year, students are in new classes, with new friends, and even a new elementary teacher this year. And even some of us have new roles this year. With all the newness, it made me think of what a clean slate the beginning of a new year holds. Some students are just starting school for the first time ever, they have to learn to get up in the morning and be ready for a school day. Others are in new grades learning new things from last year. It might cross some of our minds to think, man, I wish I was back home, or back in kindergarten, or back in the previous grade where it was easier. But if that were the case we wouldn't be able to grow and learn. The Lord didn't intend for us to stay in one grade and never to learn more or grow more. He has a plan for our lives. This spider plant is a neat plant because of the leaves and how they grow, but also because from the main plant, some smaller plants also grow. (I showed them the spider plant with the smaller plants hanging from it) These smaller plants have been hanging off of my main spider plant for several months now. They have not done much. They haven't grown much, just a little, but there is not much to notice about them because they are just hanging from the main plant. They are probably comfortable just hanging, they are getting there nourishment from the main plant. The problem is, these smaller plants are not much of a help to the bigger plant because they are taking some of the nutrients and nourishment from the main plant. Plus, I know that these smaller plants can become so much more if I do something to them. What I would need to do to them, may seem cruel, and may not be pleasant for the young plant, but I know that in the end it will make the smaller plants absolutely beautiful! I need to cut the smaller plants from the main plant. Of course plants don't have feelings like we do, but when we think of things being cut, we think of pain. Sometimes in our lives this is what the Lord needs to do for us. He needs to cut us...cut us from where we are comfortable, cut us...to make us grow and be more beautiful and useful for Him. I don't like to be uncomfortable, I don't like change very much, but there are times in my life, before and now, where the Lord has had to cut me from my comfortable place. He had something more for me, and the only way that He could produce that was to cut me from where I was. These smaller plants have looked the same for months, they haven't grown much, and really are not of much value just hanging off of the larger plant. Me, being the plant caretaker, I know the best thing for me to do is to cut them off, and replant them on their own. When that happens, it's tough at first because those smaller plants have to learn to get their own nutrients from the soil, they have to learn to get used to a new place and to stand strong on their own. It's not easy at first, but then they get used to it and realize what they need to do to survive. And once that happens, they thrive in their new environment, and grow beautifully. (I then pull out of a bag one of the smaller plants that I cut from the year before that has grown beautifully into a new, vibrant, healthy plant) This is a plant that used to look just like these smaller plants, there wasn't much to it at first. When I put it in the soil, it took a bit for it to get used to it's new surroundings and new life apart from the main plant. But it did get used to it, it did survive, and it is a beautiful, thriving plant. And from this new plant, in the future it will produce some smaller plants that it will help start out until I as the planter cut them to grow on their own. We are at the start of a new school year. We have a lot of new things to learn, learning letters and how to write them and say them correctly for the first time for some...to starting to have homework for others...to learning multiplication and division, to learning about different countries, and many other things. We as teachers hope by the end of this year, you all will have grown. We expect you to grow physically...taller, maybe wider for some :). We expect you to grow academically...learning all the things you need to learn before you go on to the next grade to learn more. But more importantly than those things, we, as Christian school teachers hope and pray that you will each grow spiritually...closer to the Lord, knowing and understanding more things about Him, so you can share them, and help others to grow in Him as well. The Lord has cut us from where we were, and He is challenging us to grow in the new places He has "planted" or placed us. He wants us to learn to adjust so we can grow beautiful and healthy in Him, and for Him.
(This chapel lesson was such a lesson for me, the Lord used it to really speak to my heart as well, as I shared it with the students.)
Lord, thank you for bringing this lesson to mind when I asked You for something. And thank you for using something so simple to help teach your truths. Kindergarten all the way through Sixth grade, and even on up to us as teachers, could all relate and understand this wonderful lesson. Thank You for what You taught me as You brought these thoughts to my mind for me to use for chapel. Help me to remember this important lesson, You know this is a struggle for me, so bring me back often to the spider plant to remind me that You want to make something beautiful of me for You. I may not always like the process, but the outcome is always amazing and beautiful! Help me remember!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
Cutting and Growing
It has been a loooong week!!! A bit stressful, a bit crazy, a bit emotional...just lots going on. It was just one of those weeks where one thing after the other was knocking me down...taking the wind out of me. One of those weeks where Satan kept trying to get the best of my mind and my spirit. One of those weeks where it was just a struggle to try to keep going. One of those weeks where so many things were weighing heavy on my heart. One of those weeks that exhausts you physically, spiritually, and emotionally. One of those weeks that just seemed as if it would never end. Well, it's Friday, and here I am at the end of this long, crazy, stressful, emotional, hot week!
Of course that has nothing at all to do with me, the Lord helped me through, even though there were some times this week where I wasn't sure if He was helping me at all. Times where I was just feeling so beat up, pushed down, on the verge of drowning with no help in sight. Then came yesterday!
I read one of my devotions that I have set up on my phone that was titled "When You Are Weak, He Is Strong". And one of the lines that stood out to me was, "Stop focusing on your weaknesses...focus on His strength." I was definitely focusing on those weaknesses this week. Thinking of my failures and how weak I felt, but forgetting that when I am weak, He is strong, and is my strength. Then Psalm 50:15 popped out at me yesterday morning as well, "And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." I called out to Him and claimed that promise that He would deliver me. I want to glorify His name and tell of the wonderful things He has done, but when Satan is constantly attacking and feeding me lies that's a hard thing to be able to do. I love how God works, though, because then I hopped on Facebook for a bit, and one of the first posts I saw was from author Michelle McKinney Hammond, she wrote, "In spite of how you feel choose to praise. Exchange the garment of heaviness for something lighter. Worship your way through the storm. #trust." That definitely got my attention! Just minutes later she posted again, "If you are having a face pressed to the floor kind of day. First, you are not alone. Second, this too shall pass. Wait before God. #trust." And a few minutes later, this one that I truly loved..."Even if u can't see anything different happening in yr life. Anticipate it. A lot goes on beneath the surface before you see a flower #trust." Isn't that good? And a little later..."Anticipate God's best even when u can't see it. Embrace His love even when u can't feel it. Trust His Word even when u can't hear it. #trust." Those were some of the exact feelings I had been struggling with! No, I'm not done yet, these next two were hitting me right where I was as well..."Doubt is the devils way of distracting you from God's promises. Speak faith to your soul and override his voice with worship. #trust." and "The devil specializes in making us question God. It is a futile attempt to steal the joy of your salvation. Don't go there! #trust #Faithful." Whoa!!! Love that, "Don't go there!" :) Boy, did I need all of that! The Lord woke me and got my attention for sure. There were others, too, that were such a blessing that I will share at the end. I definitely started to speak some of those truths and words to the Lord...and to Satan, reminding him that my mind didn't belong to him, but to God.
As I went to work that morning, some of those stresses that I had been so burdened with earlier were not looming so heavy on me anymore. And at school I get to work with such amazing ladies that I couldn't focus on those negative things anymore. Then Mama G and I got to talking and she was just randomly started telling me about the plant she had in the window. It is a really neat looking plant that I have always liked. She started telling me that when she got it, it was pretty much dead. She just started to cut the stems back a little and it started doing just fine. She said she just recently had to cut it back a little bit again, and then she said, "Yea, I had to cut it, because then it gives it the strength to grow." Right after she said that God jolted my mind and I looked at her and said, "Wow, that is a great spiritual lesson right there!" And when she thought about it, she agreed and we both ended up with goose bumps! We ended up sharing some things with each other, and were able to encourage one another! I'll tell you, I don't like the cutting, I don't crave it or seek it, but I guess it just helps me to think and know that through that I can have the strength to grow in Him! What could be more special!
Lord, you know this week has been a tough one for me! You've been there through it all, though, I'm sorry I know at times I complained to You that I didn't think You were. Satan was getting the best of me. I was weak. Thank You for breaking through to speak to me Your truth through Your Word and through others that you allowed to be a blessing. It's hard to go through these times, and I don't like them. I know they'll come again, but thank You for a little reprieve from Satan's strong attacks. And thank You for encouraging me! Help me remember these truths!
More posts from Michelle McKinney Hammond:
"I shatter the power of discouragement over you today. Take courage that God is God and is able to do what He has promised."
"Have a blessed day anticipating God's best for you. Never settle for less. Hope all things. Believe all things. God never fails."
"Sometimes you just have to talk to yourself. Say self, God is faithful, no matter what. Bless the Lord. Anticipate a miracle."
"Sometimes when you can't stand on the promises of God you need to cling to them. It's always darkest before the dawn."
"You have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. So wait for the light. It's on the way. Rest assured. This too shall pass."
Amen! :)
Of course that has nothing at all to do with me, the Lord helped me through, even though there were some times this week where I wasn't sure if He was helping me at all. Times where I was just feeling so beat up, pushed down, on the verge of drowning with no help in sight. Then came yesterday!
I read one of my devotions that I have set up on my phone that was titled "When You Are Weak, He Is Strong". And one of the lines that stood out to me was, "Stop focusing on your weaknesses...focus on His strength." I was definitely focusing on those weaknesses this week. Thinking of my failures and how weak I felt, but forgetting that when I am weak, He is strong, and is my strength. Then Psalm 50:15 popped out at me yesterday morning as well, "And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." I called out to Him and claimed that promise that He would deliver me. I want to glorify His name and tell of the wonderful things He has done, but when Satan is constantly attacking and feeding me lies that's a hard thing to be able to do. I love how God works, though, because then I hopped on Facebook for a bit, and one of the first posts I saw was from author Michelle McKinney Hammond, she wrote, "In spite of how you feel choose to praise. Exchange the garment of heaviness for something lighter. Worship your way through the storm. #trust." That definitely got my attention! Just minutes later she posted again, "If you are having a face pressed to the floor kind of day. First, you are not alone. Second, this too shall pass. Wait before God. #trust." And a few minutes later, this one that I truly loved..."Even if u can't see anything different happening in yr life. Anticipate it. A lot goes on beneath the surface before you see a flower #trust." Isn't that good? And a little later..."Anticipate God's best even when u can't see it. Embrace His love even when u can't feel it. Trust His Word even when u can't hear it. #trust." Those were some of the exact feelings I had been struggling with! No, I'm not done yet, these next two were hitting me right where I was as well..."Doubt is the devils way of distracting you from God's promises. Speak faith to your soul and override his voice with worship. #trust." and "The devil specializes in making us question God. It is a futile attempt to steal the joy of your salvation. Don't go there! #trust #Faithful." Whoa!!! Love that, "Don't go there!" :) Boy, did I need all of that! The Lord woke me and got my attention for sure. There were others, too, that were such a blessing that I will share at the end. I definitely started to speak some of those truths and words to the Lord...and to Satan, reminding him that my mind didn't belong to him, but to God.
As I went to work that morning, some of those stresses that I had been so burdened with earlier were not looming so heavy on me anymore. And at school I get to work with such amazing ladies that I couldn't focus on those negative things anymore. Then Mama G and I got to talking and she was just randomly started telling me about the plant she had in the window. It is a really neat looking plant that I have always liked. She started telling me that when she got it, it was pretty much dead. She just started to cut the stems back a little and it started doing just fine. She said she just recently had to cut it back a little bit again, and then she said, "Yea, I had to cut it, because then it gives it the strength to grow." Right after she said that God jolted my mind and I looked at her and said, "Wow, that is a great spiritual lesson right there!" And when she thought about it, she agreed and we both ended up with goose bumps! We ended up sharing some things with each other, and were able to encourage one another! I'll tell you, I don't like the cutting, I don't crave it or seek it, but I guess it just helps me to think and know that through that I can have the strength to grow in Him! What could be more special!
Lord, you know this week has been a tough one for me! You've been there through it all, though, I'm sorry I know at times I complained to You that I didn't think You were. Satan was getting the best of me. I was weak. Thank You for breaking through to speak to me Your truth through Your Word and through others that you allowed to be a blessing. It's hard to go through these times, and I don't like them. I know they'll come again, but thank You for a little reprieve from Satan's strong attacks. And thank You for encouraging me! Help me remember these truths!
More posts from Michelle McKinney Hammond:
"I shatter the power of discouragement over you today. Take courage that God is God and is able to do what He has promised."
"Have a blessed day anticipating God's best for you. Never settle for less. Hope all things. Believe all things. God never fails."
"Sometimes you just have to talk to yourself. Say self, God is faithful, no matter what. Bless the Lord. Anticipate a miracle."
"Sometimes when you can't stand on the promises of God you need to cling to them. It's always darkest before the dawn."
"You have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. So wait for the light. It's on the way. Rest assured. This too shall pass."
Amen! :)
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Learning From the Potter
So it is officially summer, has been for about a week now. (Well, a couple of weeks now. You can see it's taken me a little bit to get this finished.) It's nice to have a break. I did get a bit emotional on that last day of school, but it didn't seem to be as much as I usually do. I was so ready to be done as I said before. Things ended well, and after going back the next day to finish cleaning my room, I was officially finally on my break. Saturday was busy with graduation parties, and Sunday was church of course. So Monday was my day to be completely knocked out...and I was! My exhaustion certainly caught up to me, it's been a full year of constantly being on the go, constant struggles, constant emotion. I was very thankful for a couple of days where I just chose not to think about anything or worry about anything, but just to sit back and relax a little. Yet, my heart was still so heavy from sadness and stress from the past year. Instead of time to be still and know that He is God, Satan was definitely taking this time and using my mind as his playground. It was and is, a struggle. "What am I doing wrong?" "Have you forgotten me?" "Why do I see other people getting blessed?" "When will I get my blessing?" "When will I see my prayers answered?" "Don't you see my struggles...feel my pain...hear my cry...see the faith I'm trying to have.......care??" I had seen some great blessings, on the last day of school, not only did I get some wonderful gifts from my kids, but I also for some reason received a generous anonymous gift from people that wanted to be a blessing to me! It was such an amazing surprise! It was a huge blessing! I had also been finding some great encouragement through my devotions. Yet, in the back of my mind, the struggles and questions still rose. It was hard to quiet them.
I had been invited to go hear a friend share what the Lord has taught and shown him through pottery. I had been invited by him before, but had never been able to make it, but this time I did. I was really looking forward to it and knew it would be neat to see, and would be such a help to me. I sat with some other friends who were also there, they had been before, but brought a group of their church teens with them. They warned me that I may need some tissues. I did have a couple on hand, but sweet Natalie gave me her packet of tissues in case I needed more, which she figured I would. (She knows me well :) Right from the start I was amazed at what I was hearing and needed my tissues. The potter talked about where the clay came from, which I never knew, was the swamp. But he started working with the clay to get it ready and as he did so, he was constantly pushing it down, applying pressure. He related that to our lives and how the Lord applies pressure to our lives as well. The reason the potter does this is to help bring the impurities to the surface and get rid of them. He related that to how the Lord works in our lives. We don't like the pressure, it hurts, but it is a special time for Him to work with us and help us. And though we may be screaming that it hurts and telling Him that we want Him to stop applying that pressure, He gently tells us just to hold on. He is doing it because He knows the final outcome and how beautiful that will be. He has a plan that goes beyond the pressure to something more useful, but He has to do this necessary part first. Then the potter even said, this may be when we ask, "Why do I see others getting blessed and why am I not seeing blessings?" Wow! Just the things I needed to hear! The potter then showed how he puts the clay on the wheel, making sure it's centered. It takes some work to keep it centered because it isn't the natural reaction when the clay gets on that wheel. The Lord works hard to center us, too, and to keep us centered in Him. But then another part that I found so interesting was that when he started to make the pot, he mentioned that he needed to get into the heart of the clay. He pushed his fingers into the center. He said he had to get into the heart of it, so that way he could build it up. Then he started shaping it, working on the inside and outside to build it up as much as he could. The Lord gets into our hearts so He can build us up in Him. Even through that process it took some pressure and some careful time. Once he got the height he wanted he started to shape the pot the way he wanted to. He said as he worked with the clay, he could picture what he wanted it to look like, he could see his plan for it. That's the way the Lord sees us, though we can't see His grand plan, He knows. It amazed me how almost precious that piece of clay seemed to the potter, he really took time and care with it to make it become what he wanted it to be. It made me think of the Lord with me, He does care, all of these struggles are going to make me more of what He wants me to be. I don't know what that exactly is, but He does, and that's why He is working hard, and though it may be painful for me, He is excited because He is starting to see His plan take shape in me. The potter even mentioned some of the struggles we may face and totally got some of the ones I face. He said we need to be careful not to be angry at God for things that Satan has done or is doing to us. He even "scarred" the pot...put some design marks on it. He said we may have some scars in our lives, but instead of being so ashamed of them,or trying to hide them, we should use them as a testimony to show others how good God is. Those "scars" are what so many people are attracted to when they look at the pots. The scars in our lives can attract people to us, so we can show them to Christ. So many great lessons, and yet there was so much more that he shared and there were some truly deep moments, but they were all beautifully illustrated with this potter and his clay. I was so touched, as were so many others. What an incredible journey to see the Lord and His love for me illustrated in this way! I was beyond blessed and learned so much that I will continue to carry with me! It was wonderful and I plan to go again another time when he is giving his presentation nearby, and to invite some other friends! I want to keep those reminders in my mind and hope others who need it will go and be as blessed as I was. Here's the link so you can take your own little Journey to the Potter's House. You can also find him on Facebook at Facebook.com/AJourneyToThePottersHouse.
Lord, thank you for this amazing lesson from Dr. Ferris! Thank you for giving him such wisdom and insight to relay this beautiful message to us in such a special way! The illustrations were such wonderful learning tools, help me to hold on to them and not forget the things I learned, and that You wanted to teach me through this! Thank you for loving me and wanting me to be beautiful for you, even if I don't always see it!
I had been invited to go hear a friend share what the Lord has taught and shown him through pottery. I had been invited by him before, but had never been able to make it, but this time I did. I was really looking forward to it and knew it would be neat to see, and would be such a help to me. I sat with some other friends who were also there, they had been before, but brought a group of their church teens with them. They warned me that I may need some tissues. I did have a couple on hand, but sweet Natalie gave me her packet of tissues in case I needed more, which she figured I would. (She knows me well :) Right from the start I was amazed at what I was hearing and needed my tissues. The potter talked about where the clay came from, which I never knew, was the swamp. But he started working with the clay to get it ready and as he did so, he was constantly pushing it down, applying pressure. He related that to our lives and how the Lord applies pressure to our lives as well. The reason the potter does this is to help bring the impurities to the surface and get rid of them. He related that to how the Lord works in our lives. We don't like the pressure, it hurts, but it is a special time for Him to work with us and help us. And though we may be screaming that it hurts and telling Him that we want Him to stop applying that pressure, He gently tells us just to hold on. He is doing it because He knows the final outcome and how beautiful that will be. He has a plan that goes beyond the pressure to something more useful, but He has to do this necessary part first. Then the potter even said, this may be when we ask, "Why do I see others getting blessed and why am I not seeing blessings?" Wow! Just the things I needed to hear! The potter then showed how he puts the clay on the wheel, making sure it's centered. It takes some work to keep it centered because it isn't the natural reaction when the clay gets on that wheel. The Lord works hard to center us, too, and to keep us centered in Him. But then another part that I found so interesting was that when he started to make the pot, he mentioned that he needed to get into the heart of the clay. He pushed his fingers into the center. He said he had to get into the heart of it, so that way he could build it up. Then he started shaping it, working on the inside and outside to build it up as much as he could. The Lord gets into our hearts so He can build us up in Him. Even through that process it took some pressure and some careful time. Once he got the height he wanted he started to shape the pot the way he wanted to. He said as he worked with the clay, he could picture what he wanted it to look like, he could see his plan for it. That's the way the Lord sees us, though we can't see His grand plan, He knows. It amazed me how almost precious that piece of clay seemed to the potter, he really took time and care with it to make it become what he wanted it to be. It made me think of the Lord with me, He does care, all of these struggles are going to make me more of what He wants me to be. I don't know what that exactly is, but He does, and that's why He is working hard, and though it may be painful for me, He is excited because He is starting to see His plan take shape in me. The potter even mentioned some of the struggles we may face and totally got some of the ones I face. He said we need to be careful not to be angry at God for things that Satan has done or is doing to us. He even "scarred" the pot...put some design marks on it. He said we may have some scars in our lives, but instead of being so ashamed of them,or trying to hide them, we should use them as a testimony to show others how good God is. Those "scars" are what so many people are attracted to when they look at the pots. The scars in our lives can attract people to us, so we can show them to Christ. So many great lessons, and yet there was so much more that he shared and there were some truly deep moments, but they were all beautifully illustrated with this potter and his clay. I was so touched, as were so many others. What an incredible journey to see the Lord and His love for me illustrated in this way! I was beyond blessed and learned so much that I will continue to carry with me! It was wonderful and I plan to go again another time when he is giving his presentation nearby, and to invite some other friends! I want to keep those reminders in my mind and hope others who need it will go and be as blessed as I was. Here's the link so you can take your own little Journey to the Potter's House. You can also find him on Facebook at Facebook.com/AJourneyToThePottersHouse.
Lord, thank you for this amazing lesson from Dr. Ferris! Thank you for giving him such wisdom and insight to relay this beautiful message to us in such a special way! The illustrations were such wonderful learning tools, help me to hold on to them and not forget the things I learned, and that You wanted to teach me through this! Thank you for loving me and wanting me to be beautiful for you, even if I don't always see it!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
The End of an Era
I know the title seems pretty dramatic, but I really do feel that it will fit this post. I have been a little emotional lately, and this may have a tendency toward that, so just a forewarning, you may not wish to continue reading as it may be more of an emotional post. But I feel the need to put this out there. I have been thinking of a couple of different ideas that I planned to blog about, but just never got my thoughts all together, or took the time to do a post. It's been a little crazy lately. As I sit here tonight, though, the night before the last day of school, I feel compelled to write some thoughts down.
As this year draws to a close, I don't find myself feeling the normal emotions of sadness for the year being over, reminiscing on the year and my class, I am feeling more of a sense of relief that this year is over. I may get emotional tomorrow, but I'm not sure. I'm so ready for a break!! But then that's when another part of me kicks in and hates to see the year come to a close. My friend Angie was here for part of this year, so it's sad to see it end without her, and next year will be a just a full year without her. I hate not having her here to share this end of the year time, to see her son graduate from 6th grade to Jr. High. To see her "kids" graduate. Graduation will be terribly sad without her! She has been around for my whole teaching career (all 16 years), and now she's not. We would plan some times to get together during the summer to go to Olive Garden and do some shopping, Charming Charlie or Sparkle or wherever. It was just special times with us and the girls. I never did get to introduce her to one of my favorite places- Dave and Busters. And this would have been a great summer to do that! When I go back for my 17th year she won't be there to encourage me, give me confidence, encourage the students, new and old and parents to be excited about a new year and what God was going to do. Her spirit will be truly missed, as it already has been, but now in a different way and time.
Then thinking of summertime (though I'm so excited about it), makes me sad to think that this is the first summer that I will be spending without my mom. The past two summers were all about her. The first summer just trying to do things with her, trying to keep her mind stimulated, and making as many memories as possible. Then last summer was just a busy emotional summer as I watched her go downhill so quickly, and I wanted to make the most of the time I had with her. It wasn't easy and wasn't always fun, but we had each other. This will be a long time without her, where it's just Bella and me. Christmas is only two weeks and is kind of busy, spring break is only a week, and goes by way too fast anyway, but this will be a full summer of just missing her presence in my life. School consumed so much of my time right away after losing her, so now it will be different as things come to mind from last summer. This past weekend I had a dream about my pappy, too, which was so real, he was healthy and well and we were chatting away. It was sad to wake up and realize it was only a dream. Not only was he not here, but neither was mom.
Then on Sunday I saw my second "real" butterfly. I have seen some of the little butterflies flying around, but Sunday I saw a yellow swallowtail butterfly. Since I had a butterfly engraved on mom's casket, every time I see one, I think of her! Then that same night, I saw about 4 fireflies or lightning bugs, and every time I see those they remind me of pappy! We would go out on hot summer nights and try to catch one. So it has been a bit emotional. Then there were the graduation parties that remind me how quickly time flies, and how exciting it was at that age to have your whole life ahead of you, with so much to look forward to.
I also spent some time last week talking with who I call my "little brother" Marcus, reminiscing about his grandmother Julia Sims who passed away last week. Yet another beautiful, strong woman the Lord chose to take home. I called her Ma Sims and she was like a grandmother to me. She was a funny lady and people could easily get on her bad side, but she seemed to have a soft spot for me. She was a no-nonsense type lady, and I loved her spirit. She had no problem telling boys or young men to pull their pants up or to turn their music down. And they rarely got mad at her when she did. I don't know if it was the head of beautiful white hair that they couldn't resist or her look that maybe made them nervous, or how she would share with them her wisdom and why she felt strongly about it. She was good! She would often say she didn't care if they got mad, she was on her way to heaven anyway. I remember many Sunday dinners when she would sit at our dinner table with us. I remember so vividly my dad coming up from being downstairs watching bowling bringing up some sodas for dinner. He would see Ma Sims and ask her how she was doing. She would look at him with a serious face and ask, "Why, you writin' a book?" My dad being the wise-crack himself would say, "Yea, I am writing a book." And without a moment's hesitation she would fire back, "Well, leave that chapter out then." She was pretty quick with a sarcastic, sharp sense of humor. She would get pretty heated about some things sometimes and would do some little turns in the chair and flip her skirt over her knee and hit it with her hand and quite enthusiastically share what she needed to say. She was fun to watch. I remember her coming over sometimes on Saturday mornings or other times complaining about her hair, I loved her phrase, "My hair is looking like a hoorah's nest." (Her hair was always beautiful!) Then there were those people that thought they needed to do everything or who thought that things would not get done without them, and she would simply remind them, "One monkey don't stop no show." And she would often remind people, "Payday don't always come on Friday." She was one-of-a-kind! I haven't seen her in a while, her memory was failing her just like mom's was. It was sad to think about, she was a nurse for years at Hartford Hospital and was sharp as a tack. She always talked about sitting on her couch eating ice cream and watching the Red Sox, one of her favorite things to do. Those are some special memories of special times a while ago. Then my parents and later on she herself would get sick and those times ended.
Then a few days ago I heard that Jean Stapleton passed away. She was Edith Bunker from All in the Family. When I heard that it just made me sad because we all loved watching that show. I know this seems so random, but Mom, Dad, and I loved watching this together. It just reminds me of those fun times. Dad would crack up at some of the things Archie would say. It once again it made me think of mom and dad and our times spent together laughing and joking, watching TV, or just whatever. I miss those times! It saddened me to think of so many things that have changed. Actors, friends, family, family friends that have passed that remind me that this special era or time of my life has changed and is changing. That has been hard for me. If you've read other blog posts you know I'm not a fan of change. Yet part of me hates that life is so predictable right now with nothing new to look forward to, same thing just about everyday, school, then home with Bella, or church, then home with Bella. I know I need to be content in whatsoever state I am, but if I'm going to be real, I'm struggling with that right now. It's nice to have those memories, but I do miss those times...good times.
Lord, You know this is a hard time for me right now. I've been telling You about it. Some special people are gone and some special memories are locked in my mind as these people and times are no longer. Help me to remember You have a hope, plan, and a purpose for my future. I know my future is Heaven, but please help me to see things You have for me here too. Help me through these times when I'm truly missing people and times that were so dear. Help me to draw nearer to You during these times as well. Keep me from hearing Satan's lies and help me to find my strength and delight in You. Be near to me as I draw nigh to You.
As this year draws to a close, I don't find myself feeling the normal emotions of sadness for the year being over, reminiscing on the year and my class, I am feeling more of a sense of relief that this year is over. I may get emotional tomorrow, but I'm not sure. I'm so ready for a break!! But then that's when another part of me kicks in and hates to see the year come to a close. My friend Angie was here for part of this year, so it's sad to see it end without her, and next year will be a just a full year without her. I hate not having her here to share this end of the year time, to see her son graduate from 6th grade to Jr. High. To see her "kids" graduate. Graduation will be terribly sad without her! She has been around for my whole teaching career (all 16 years), and now she's not. We would plan some times to get together during the summer to go to Olive Garden and do some shopping, Charming Charlie or Sparkle or wherever. It was just special times with us and the girls. I never did get to introduce her to one of my favorite places- Dave and Busters. And this would have been a great summer to do that! When I go back for my 17th year she won't be there to encourage me, give me confidence, encourage the students, new and old and parents to be excited about a new year and what God was going to do. Her spirit will be truly missed, as it already has been, but now in a different way and time.
Then thinking of summertime (though I'm so excited about it), makes me sad to think that this is the first summer that I will be spending without my mom. The past two summers were all about her. The first summer just trying to do things with her, trying to keep her mind stimulated, and making as many memories as possible. Then last summer was just a busy emotional summer as I watched her go downhill so quickly, and I wanted to make the most of the time I had with her. It wasn't easy and wasn't always fun, but we had each other. This will be a long time without her, where it's just Bella and me. Christmas is only two weeks and is kind of busy, spring break is only a week, and goes by way too fast anyway, but this will be a full summer of just missing her presence in my life. School consumed so much of my time right away after losing her, so now it will be different as things come to mind from last summer. This past weekend I had a dream about my pappy, too, which was so real, he was healthy and well and we were chatting away. It was sad to wake up and realize it was only a dream. Not only was he not here, but neither was mom.
I also spent some time last week talking with who I call my "little brother" Marcus, reminiscing about his grandmother Julia Sims who passed away last week. Yet another beautiful, strong woman the Lord chose to take home. I called her Ma Sims and she was like a grandmother to me. She was a funny lady and people could easily get on her bad side, but she seemed to have a soft spot for me. She was a no-nonsense type lady, and I loved her spirit. She had no problem telling boys or young men to pull their pants up or to turn their music down. And they rarely got mad at her when she did. I don't know if it was the head of beautiful white hair that they couldn't resist or her look that maybe made them nervous, or how she would share with them her wisdom and why she felt strongly about it. She was good! She would often say she didn't care if they got mad, she was on her way to heaven anyway. I remember many Sunday dinners when she would sit at our dinner table with us. I remember so vividly my dad coming up from being downstairs watching bowling bringing up some sodas for dinner. He would see Ma Sims and ask her how she was doing. She would look at him with a serious face and ask, "Why, you writin' a book?" My dad being the wise-crack himself would say, "Yea, I am writing a book." And without a moment's hesitation she would fire back, "Well, leave that chapter out then." She was pretty quick with a sarcastic, sharp sense of humor. She would get pretty heated about some things sometimes and would do some little turns in the chair and flip her skirt over her knee and hit it with her hand and quite enthusiastically share what she needed to say. She was fun to watch. I remember her coming over sometimes on Saturday mornings or other times complaining about her hair, I loved her phrase, "My hair is looking like a hoorah's nest." (Her hair was always beautiful!) Then there were those people that thought they needed to do everything or who thought that things would not get done without them, and she would simply remind them, "One monkey don't stop no show." And she would often remind people, "Payday don't always come on Friday." She was one-of-a-kind! I haven't seen her in a while, her memory was failing her just like mom's was. It was sad to think about, she was a nurse for years at Hartford Hospital and was sharp as a tack. She always talked about sitting on her couch eating ice cream and watching the Red Sox, one of her favorite things to do. Those are some special memories of special times a while ago. Then my parents and later on she herself would get sick and those times ended.
Then a few days ago I heard that Jean Stapleton passed away. She was Edith Bunker from All in the Family. When I heard that it just made me sad because we all loved watching that show. I know this seems so random, but Mom, Dad, and I loved watching this together. It just reminds me of those fun times. Dad would crack up at some of the things Archie would say. It once again it made me think of mom and dad and our times spent together laughing and joking, watching TV, or just whatever. I miss those times! It saddened me to think of so many things that have changed. Actors, friends, family, family friends that have passed that remind me that this special era or time of my life has changed and is changing. That has been hard for me. If you've read other blog posts you know I'm not a fan of change. Yet part of me hates that life is so predictable right now with nothing new to look forward to, same thing just about everyday, school, then home with Bella, or church, then home with Bella. I know I need to be content in whatsoever state I am, but if I'm going to be real, I'm struggling with that right now. It's nice to have those memories, but I do miss those times...good times.
Lord, You know this is a hard time for me right now. I've been telling You about it. Some special people are gone and some special memories are locked in my mind as these people and times are no longer. Help me to remember You have a hope, plan, and a purpose for my future. I know my future is Heaven, but please help me to see things You have for me here too. Help me through these times when I'm truly missing people and times that were so dear. Help me to draw nearer to You during these times as well. Keep me from hearing Satan's lies and help me to find my strength and delight in You. Be near to me as I draw nigh to You.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Did I Make It?
I don't think I have written about my day in a while, but Friday was just one of "those" days! One of those that I feel merits a blog post. I needed to be at school early to help out with morning duty, that's a tough one for me, and it didn't help that I didn't hear my alarm for about 20 minutes. So, I was prepared to have to skip something, and of course that ended up being breakfast. But I made it there...about on time-ish. Morning duty went fairly smoothly, though the kids were quite excited. It was Friday for one, then it was Amerathon day, and fifth grade was having their International Celebration day. I went to my friend Cathy's room to ask or tell her something and mentioned how I had no breakfast that morning, so she gave me her cucumbers that she had for her lunch and a Granny Smith apple (the only kind of apple I will even eat, which she knew:). As I was walking out of her room, the cutest little bug, named Ava was in the hallway and I had to say hello. She looked at me with that sweet little face and asked me what I was eating, but I had just finished the cucumbers, but still had the apple. I asked her if she wanted a bite and she did. Then she gave it back so I could eat some, then she wanted another bite, and then I got another couple of bites in before I gave over to the extreme cuteness and let her have the rest. I was enjoying talking to mom and watching her chomp on this big apple. We were talking a little about missing our sweet friend Angie. Last week for some reason was a really hard one for missing her. I talked to about 4 or 5 people who were also really missing her. As I was in the hallway, mom and dad's pastor, Pastor Jason came in and had my CD that I forgot to get from the church after mom's funeral, and then he had some old pictures from church which had my parents in them. So, of course that brought on more emotions, but it was so nice to get them. We finally got our day started with seatwork and trying to get a subject in before the day went into crazy mode. When it was time, we went down to the auditorium to hear and learn about the countries the fifth graders had chosen to study, learn, and talk about. It was a bit emotional because Karen, the teacher asked me to sit in the back to be a reference point for the kids (she had to ask me, because Angie did that for her and the kids every year). So I sat in the reserved DAL chair, which stood for the Designated Angie Larson. It definitely made me miss her more. Some of the Jr. High and High School came in to watch, and Gabby, Angie's daughter sat next to me. When things were just getting ready to get started Gabby jumped a little and Karen was looking toward the door asking my friend Cathy if everything was OK. Cathy just smiled and nodded, but Gabby informed me that something fell from the ceiling right by Cathy as she was standing there. I thought that was pretty crazy, but didn't think much else of it, because I was trying to focus on being a good, helpful, smiling reference point for the fifth grade kids. It wasn't until their speaking parts were over that Cathy informed us that it wasn't just "something" that fell from the ceiling, but a mouse!! It fell right in front of her and she asked someone to get paper towels for her so she could pick it up and get rid of it. As she went to pick it up, it started moving, so it wasn't dead, as she thought it might have been. So she was running down the hall saying "Oh my, it's still alive!" She went to a door and chucked it as hard as she could far from the school. After that excitement, we went to the other side of the room to visit the tables that the kids had set up with pictures and different things from that country and some food to try. We enjoyed that for a bit, then went back to the room for a few minutes, got in a little bit of learning before I sent the kids down to the restroom to change for the Amerathon walk.
As the students were lining up to go, one of my boys was a bit excited and started throwing his shorts up in the air and was trying to catch them. As I was telling him to get in line properly, he threw them up again, and they got stuck on one of the pipes. He looks at me to see what I am going to do, and I simply tell him that it is too bad that he will not have shorts to wear outside for the walk. He goes into "solve the problem" mode and starts moving a chair, and then a desk over to where the shorts are and I tell him that in no way is he allowed to try any of those means to get them down. He went down to the restroom disappointed, but I wanted him to learn a good lesson. A bit later I went back to take a picture of them, but they had fallen down somehow. So I gave in and just gave them to him to put on. So, I tried throwing them back up so I could get my picture, but it wasn't working, so I had to climb on a desk to put them back up. By that point some of the kids had caught me, but were willing accomplices to help me and closed the door so the others wouldn't see. I got my picture, and by the time this little boy came back they were still up there. I told the class to go wait in the hallway to walk down, and I made him go as well. He was pretty bummed because he thought I was going to get them for him. I hit them so they slid off again, and when I met the other kids in the hallway, I told this little boy he could go back and see if they had fallen off and if they had he could go put them on. So, needless to say, he was excited to find out that they had "fallen" down and he could wear them after all. They went out and ran/walked their 25 laps and then we came back in and it was time to go to lunch.
At lunch my class had won a pizza party for the most class participation for bringing their Amerathon mailers in. So they were very excited about that. As we go into the lunchroom, my same little gem of a boy walks into the kitchen area, and yells out to my friend and her husband (who had been working hard all day with the Amerathon, making sure there was water outside, and oranges were cut up for the kids, and granola bars out for them to have, and counting out rubber bands for each child to have 25, and then running to go get the pizzas for school lunch and then for our pizza party) "So when are we gonna have our pizza party?" Or something to that affect. That also did not sit well with me and I told him to go sit down at the lunch table and wait quietly. A little later I saw him coming out of the kitchen area again. I asked if he had the nerve to ask them again about when they were going to be getting the pizza....and yes, he did. Then as my friend was passing out slices to everyone, I asked her to withhold his. He of course couldn't figure out why he hadn't gotten any pizza or soda. I made him wait about a good 10 minutes or so. As I called him over to me to give him his pizza and let him know the reason he didn't get it right away, I see him putting something under the table as if trying to hand something to someone across the table. When I asked, he said one of the other boys had given him a couple of chips since he didn't have anything to eat. Oh my! So, I made him wait longer. When I finally gave it to him, the other kids were on their seconds and just about done. As I explained it to him, I think...I hope he got the message. Before he could even think about seconds I told him he needed to apologize to my friend and her husband! He did so, and was able to eat a little more before it was time to head to recess. It killed me to have recess when they had just been out for a while running for the Amerathon, but we did have some recess time. We did get a little work in, in the mean time. In the afternoon I just put on the rest of our Treasures of the Snow movie, which was a good way to end the day. After school I left quickly to head home to take out the pup. Gave her some time outside, brought her back in and gave her her dinner, then a snack and headed back to Newington to get to the Sports Picnic. Of course it's Friday night traffic, so it was a bit stressful and I was trying to get back to be on time for helping to hand out the cheer leading awards. When I got there, they had already started with the cheer leading awards and I got up there just in time to give out one of the awards, though I felt a bit discombobulated at the time. But made it through. Watched the other awards given out and kept getting emotional about certain awards. Then came the award that I had already thankfully been given a heads up on, or that would have been worse for me. But the school has been giving a Falcon award to people who have been such a great help during the sports seasons in many different ways. Well, they decided to change the name of the award now, it's no longer the Falcon award, but the Angie Larson Memorial Award. Coach Eric talked about why he wanted to change it, and tried not to choke up as he shared his heart. I was trying so hard not to just lose it and sob, that I just ended up giving myself a headache, oh my! It was special and my friend Brenda was blessed to be the recipient this year. She was very touched, and it was a special moment at the picnic.
As the students were lining up to go, one of my boys was a bit excited and started throwing his shorts up in the air and was trying to catch them. As I was telling him to get in line properly, he threw them up again, and they got stuck on one of the pipes. He looks at me to see what I am going to do, and I simply tell him that it is too bad that he will not have shorts to wear outside for the walk. He goes into "solve the problem" mode and starts moving a chair, and then a desk over to where the shorts are and I tell him that in no way is he allowed to try any of those means to get them down. He went down to the restroom disappointed, but I wanted him to learn a good lesson. A bit later I went back to take a picture of them, but they had fallen down somehow.
At lunch my class had won a pizza party for the most class participation for bringing their Amerathon mailers in. So they were very excited about that. As we go into the lunchroom, my same little gem of a boy walks into the kitchen area, and yells out to my friend and her husband (who had been working hard all day with the Amerathon, making sure there was water outside, and oranges were cut up for the kids, and granola bars out for them to have, and counting out rubber bands for each child to have 25, and then running to go get the pizzas for school lunch and then for our pizza party) "So when are we gonna have our pizza party?" Or something to that affect. That also did not sit well with me and I told him to go sit down at the lunch table and wait quietly. A little later I saw him coming out of the kitchen area again. I asked if he had the nerve to ask them again about when they were going to be getting the pizza....and yes, he did. Then as my friend was passing out slices to everyone, I asked her to withhold his. He of course couldn't figure out why he hadn't gotten any pizza or soda. I made him wait about a good 10 minutes or so. As I called him over to me to give him his pizza and let him know the reason he didn't get it right away, I see him putting something under the table as if trying to hand something to someone across the table. When I asked, he said one of the other boys had given him a couple of chips since he didn't have anything to eat. Oh my! So, I made him wait longer. When I finally gave it to him, the other kids were on their seconds and just about done. As I explained it to him, I think...I hope he got the message. Before he could even think about seconds I told him he needed to apologize to my friend and her husband! He did so, and was able to eat a little more before it was time to head to recess. It killed me to have recess when they had just been out for a while running for the Amerathon, but we did have some recess time. We did get a little work in, in the mean time. In the afternoon I just put on the rest of our Treasures of the Snow movie, which was a good way to end the day. After school I left quickly to head home to take out the pup. Gave her some time outside, brought her back in and gave her her dinner, then a snack and headed back to Newington to get to the Sports Picnic. Of course it's Friday night traffic, so it was a bit stressful and I was trying to get back to be on time for helping to hand out the cheer leading awards. When I got there, they had already started with the cheer leading awards and I got up there just in time to give out one of the awards, though I felt a bit discombobulated at the time. But made it through. Watched the other awards given out and kept getting emotional about certain awards. Then came the award that I had already thankfully been given a heads up on, or that would have been worse for me. But the school has been giving a Falcon award to people who have been such a great help during the sports seasons in many different ways. Well, they decided to change the name of the award now, it's no longer the Falcon award, but the Angie Larson Memorial Award. Coach Eric talked about why he wanted to change it, and tried not to choke up as he shared his heart. I was trying so hard not to just lose it and sob, that I just ended up giving myself a headache, oh my! It was special and my friend Brenda was blessed to be the recipient this year. She was very touched, and it was a special moment at the picnic.
I got to spend a little time afterward talking to friends which was nice. Then headed home back to Bella. It's often tough coming home from something like that and not having anyone to share it with. But it was good to just veg for a little bit before I went to bed. Definitely a long, emotional, busy day, but ending it with my sweet girl by my side made me happy! So thankful for her!
Lord, these days are tough...and I have been having a few of those lately. I need You and Your help everyday, but on days like this even more so. Help me to remember on days like this that You haven't left me, You are always there...there with me, there helping me...there to give me peace if I keep my mind stayed on You! Thank you for that! Help me as I sometimes struggle to remember that. Thank You for being patient with me!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Doubt, Fear, and Trust
The other day a friend and I were talking and as we were talking she ended up telling me about some doubts that had been spoken to her about something she just wanted to feel a peace about. There was some validity to things that had been spoken, which made her doubts even stronger. She told me that she got down on her knees before bed that night with her Bible open in front of her and cried out to the Lord to give her a verse, something to confirm that things were going to be OK. She found nothing. She was so discouraged afterwards. As she was talking to me, the Lord graciously reminded her the words were spoken by someone without the same motives and desires as she had for the situation. Then the Lord brought to my mind some of the things I had learned. She told me some of the positive things about the situation that she knew. I told her Satan had used that other person to speak doubts to her, but all the positive things she was remembering were the things she needed to speak out loud to Satan in those times he tried to make her doubt. I told her to even write them down to help her remember and speak them. The other day as Satan was trying to feed me some lies, the Lord graciously allowed me to look in my driveway to see the car that He unexpectedly gave to me when I was struggling with wrong doubts and fears. He reminded me that when Satan tries to tell me that God cannot, will not, or might not do something, I could look in the driveway and be reminded of what He ALREADY has done. It was so much fun for me to see my friend's countenance change as I shared things with her. I was also able to remind her of something else I had been doing lately...reminding the Lord of His promises to me, that I am His and He has promised to take care of me in my times of need. That He has promised if I have faith He promised to move my mountains, that if I prayed and asked in faith believing He would answer. It was a blessing to me and a good reminder to my spirit as I spoke to her, and it was neat to see that it helped her spirit as well. She felt better, but as she walked down the hallway, she said out loud, Lord if you could just send a lightning bolt to show me what I need.
After we finished talking, I went to see another friend who has also been struggling with some doubts and fears. But when I went to see her, she showed me an answer to one of her prayers. It was a shock, because I'm not sure either one of us thought that would be answered in that way. I was truly blessed seeing that answer to her prayer. Not that everything is wonderful and fully resolved, but it was part of what was needed to see the Lord's hand at work in the situation. But then she had something that she had learned that week that she wanted to share with me, something that encouraged her and something she knew would encourage me, too. She shared versed Psalm 1:1-3. I've read those verses thousands of times, and I will admit I was a little skeptical about what they had to do with my situations that I have been praying and crying out to the Lord about. She said the main part was the first part of verse 3. "And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that bringeth forth his fruit in his season..." Again, what does this really have to do with my situation, or even hers? But then she read to me the notes that she took about that verse. She said the person who she heard shared with them that there may be times in our lives where we don't feel like the Lord hears us, or that He is not answering our prayers. And before we get discouraged and doubt, we need to consider that as this verse states that the Lord will bring forth His fruit in HIS season. It may not be the time we were hoping or thinking He would answer, but His time. But what she said next totally struck me, she said the reason He may not have answered that in the time or way we would be hoping is because that fruit may not be ripe yet! It may not be ready to develop yet, and He knows the perfect time for that fruit to ripen so that it will bring forth much more fruit in His season. Wow!!! The first thing I thought was thank you, Lord, but my next thought was to find the first friend I had been talking to to share it with her. She happened to still be there and I was able to share those words with her...she got chills as I told them to her. The Lord didn't give her that verse the night before when she wanted it, but gave it to her the next day, with a great message that went with it! I told her if that was not a lightning bolt I don't know what was. We were both so excited to get that confirmation from the Lord! He is so good to do that!!
That evening was church and Pastor's message was on the tongue. Of course, if you've been a Christian for any time you have heard plenty of sermon's on the tongue. And he did speak about some of the things I expected, but then he talked about the tongue being more of a revolving door. Yes, things come out of it and we must be careful what does. But he also just so happened to mention that the tongue also needs to be used to speak truth back to ourselves. That we need to encourage ourselves in the Lord and in His promises, the same thing my friends and I had just been discussing a couple of hours earlier!!It was neat to see how the Lord allowed him to share that that night. What a blessing!! And then, to make things even more interesting.....as Pastor was preaching there were a couple of real lightning bolts outside from a quick storm that came up. So, if that jolt from His Word wasn't enough, He sent a real one to confirm it even more!! What an amazing God I serve!!
Lord, help me to remember these blessings when times of doubt and fear rise up in my mind. I know I've prayed this before. But I will keep praying it for myself and my friends as much as I need to! Help me not to doubt, but to trust You. Help me to remember what You have already done. Help me to remember what You have already been trying to teach me. Help me to remember to speak words of encouragement and truth to myself in those times of doubt. Thank you for those bolts and jolts to help us remember!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Always Learning
As I've said over and over again lately, these have been some interesting months lately. Through all of it I have learned many things, but I'm sure I'm not done yet. It usually takes me a while anyway. :) I know my last couple of blogs have been about my friend Angie, but she is continually on my heart and mind. And so much of what I have been learning has been through this situation. I planned to write about this earlier, but then the other post came to mind and I had to write that first. So please permit me some more moments of talking and sharing about my friend. I miss her so much, but I know I'm not the only one. I have seen posts on Facebook recently where friends are just missing her. I have also talked to some people who have said that they think about her everyday, even some that only knew her a short time. And if we miss her that much, I can't even imagine how much more her family misses her! I have seen posts from them talking about missing her so much. They are going to miss her and mourn her for the rest of their lives, and that's OK. There is no time limit on mourning, as another friend shared, so I hope they will always feel free to think of her, cry for her, remember her, mourn her, talk about her, share fun memories about her, and treasure her always. That should never be discouraged, it's healthy. We've been doing that for over 2000 years with the Lord's Supper, He asks us to do that in remembrance of Him until He comes back. It's good to mourn and remember.
No, that's not what I learned, I already knew that. So, on to what I have learned. The day after Angie's death we had a prayer service at our church. That was a tough day, walking into the church and seeing so many sad and hurting people. All we could basically do was cry and hug each other. After being in the lobby for a while we went into the auditorium to sit and wait for things to start. Right before things started Angie's family all came walking in together, which made it even more emotional. But it was such a blessing to be able to see them. Pastor read a passage and later Tim came up to speak. There were some things that he said that really just stuck out in my mind that I keep coming back to. One thing that I loved that he said about Ang was just the simple fact that she was real. And she really was, and that was how people could relate to her and feel so comfortable around her. She was real about what was right and wrong, and she would speak up for what she felt was right, even if it might not have been popular. She was real with people and definitely with the kids at school, telling them what was right and wrong, encouraging them to do right, whether at school, at home, or simply with friends. She was real about her relationship with the Lord and what she believed. She lived it and shared it all the time. But he also shared something that I absolutely loved and have held to. He said that he asked his brother to be real with him. He asked him if Angie could see what was going on down here. He wondered how she could be in heaven not shedding tears as she looked down at her family who are so devastated by her loss. How could she be OK, knowing they were down here and were not OK, or could she just not see them. I loved what his brother said! He said he believed Angie could look down and see what was going on, but that the reason she was not going to be upset or crying is because she can now see the WHOLE picture. She sees what each of her kids will become, and how the Lord will use them and take care of them through their lives. I don't think it could have been answered more beautifully, and it gave such a precious perspective to this awful time of wondering and not understanding this. That is something that has and will continue to stick with me. It's hard to be on this side of things and not understand what is going on or why. Things that may be muddy and don't make sense here suddenly become clear in heaven, and there is rejoicing.
I also knew this next one, but it was good to have Tim remind everyone, that unless we do something that makes a difference for all eternity nothing else really matters. And Angie made a difference in so many people's lives. She pointed people to Christ, she encouraged people in the Lord, and she just loved people so very much. So many people shared how Angie made a difference in their lives, talked to them and encouraged them. She lived out Jude 22 "And of some have compassion, making a difference." She always showed such compassion and she made a difference in people's lives.
The Monday after that prayer service was the first day back to school since Angie passed and again it was hard to walk into that building, there was a huge joyous presence missing, it just didn't feel right. There was an assembly for the older kids to help with this difficult day. Again, the whole Larson family walked in to be a part of it. And again Tim got up to speak...and again I was touched! He told the students that he had written something on his hand WWAD. He said there was the popular phrase a few years ago WWJD "What Would Jesus Do". But he said some of us may get discouraged thinking and knowing we will never measure up to that standard because He is perfect and we never will be this side of glory. So he said maybe it would be easier and more present in our minds to think "What Would Angie Do". She wasn't perfect, and many could relate to her struggles in her life, but we all knew she was constantly striving to be all that the Lord wanted her to be, and was always encouraging that in others. So I loved that thought. It wasn't about uplifting Angie, it was still all about uplifting the Lord Jesus, just remembering that is what she strove to do and wanted others to do. We even have wonderful bracelets for sale now that say WWAD on them with Angie's favorite verse Micah 6:8 and also 1 Cor. 11:1. Great reminders for everyone. The money will be used to help this awesome family!
I have also been reminded about words lately. Words are so important, they can help and heal, but they can also hurt and harm. We must be careful to seek, and use wisdom when it comes to our words. We know as Christians our words should uplift, exhort, and encourage. But we still need to ask the Lord for wisdom, because sometimes those words we thinking are helping may actually be harming. In our efforts to say something, or something we think may be a spiritual encouragement, we many times innocently saying something that does more harm than good. Sometimes it would be better to just give a hug, tell someone you are praying for them and love them, and then leave it at that. When we seek the Lord, He will help us to know.
I also learned that love is an incredible thing. As I think about Angie, I am continually amazed at the love that emanated from this woman. She gave so much to everyone. It is so hard for me to imagine one person sharing that much love so specially with so many people. Her family never felt cheated out of her love, she loved them immensely, and not just all as a whole, she loved them each individually in a special way! Then she showered more of that love through her church, and our school, and with other people as well. If we could all learn to love like that, what a difference we could make in this world. Let's make a difference!
Lord, I'm so thankful for these things that you are constantly teaching me, things that I am constantly learning or being reminded of. Help me to have an open heart to always learn. Even in these hard times there are so many important things that we can learn. May I always be a willing student. Some lessons are tougher than others, but I need all of them to be where You want me to be.
No, that's not what I learned, I already knew that. So, on to what I have learned. The day after Angie's death we had a prayer service at our church. That was a tough day, walking into the church and seeing so many sad and hurting people. All we could basically do was cry and hug each other. After being in the lobby for a while we went into the auditorium to sit and wait for things to start. Right before things started Angie's family all came walking in together, which made it even more emotional. But it was such a blessing to be able to see them. Pastor read a passage and later Tim came up to speak. There were some things that he said that really just stuck out in my mind that I keep coming back to. One thing that I loved that he said about Ang was just the simple fact that she was real. And she really was, and that was how people could relate to her and feel so comfortable around her. She was real about what was right and wrong, and she would speak up for what she felt was right, even if it might not have been popular. She was real with people and definitely with the kids at school, telling them what was right and wrong, encouraging them to do right, whether at school, at home, or simply with friends. She was real about her relationship with the Lord and what she believed. She lived it and shared it all the time. But he also shared something that I absolutely loved and have held to. He said that he asked his brother to be real with him. He asked him if Angie could see what was going on down here. He wondered how she could be in heaven not shedding tears as she looked down at her family who are so devastated by her loss. How could she be OK, knowing they were down here and were not OK, or could she just not see them. I loved what his brother said! He said he believed Angie could look down and see what was going on, but that the reason she was not going to be upset or crying is because she can now see the WHOLE picture. She sees what each of her kids will become, and how the Lord will use them and take care of them through their lives. I don't think it could have been answered more beautifully, and it gave such a precious perspective to this awful time of wondering and not understanding this. That is something that has and will continue to stick with me. It's hard to be on this side of things and not understand what is going on or why. Things that may be muddy and don't make sense here suddenly become clear in heaven, and there is rejoicing.
I also knew this next one, but it was good to have Tim remind everyone, that unless we do something that makes a difference for all eternity nothing else really matters. And Angie made a difference in so many people's lives. She pointed people to Christ, she encouraged people in the Lord, and she just loved people so very much. So many people shared how Angie made a difference in their lives, talked to them and encouraged them. She lived out Jude 22 "And of some have compassion, making a difference." She always showed such compassion and she made a difference in people's lives.
The Monday after that prayer service was the first day back to school since Angie passed and again it was hard to walk into that building, there was a huge joyous presence missing, it just didn't feel right. There was an assembly for the older kids to help with this difficult day. Again, the whole Larson family walked in to be a part of it. And again Tim got up to speak...and again I was touched! He told the students that he had written something on his hand WWAD. He said there was the popular phrase a few years ago WWJD "What Would Jesus Do". But he said some of us may get discouraged thinking and knowing we will never measure up to that standard because He is perfect and we never will be this side of glory. So he said maybe it would be easier and more present in our minds to think "What Would Angie Do". She wasn't perfect, and many could relate to her struggles in her life, but we all knew she was constantly striving to be all that the Lord wanted her to be, and was always encouraging that in others. So I loved that thought. It wasn't about uplifting Angie, it was still all about uplifting the Lord Jesus, just remembering that is what she strove to do and wanted others to do. We even have wonderful bracelets for sale now that say WWAD on them with Angie's favorite verse Micah 6:8 and also 1 Cor. 11:1. Great reminders for everyone. The money will be used to help this awesome family!
I have also been reminded about words lately. Words are so important, they can help and heal, but they can also hurt and harm. We must be careful to seek, and use wisdom when it comes to our words. We know as Christians our words should uplift, exhort, and encourage. But we still need to ask the Lord for wisdom, because sometimes those words we thinking are helping may actually be harming. In our efforts to say something, or something we think may be a spiritual encouragement, we many times innocently saying something that does more harm than good. Sometimes it would be better to just give a hug, tell someone you are praying for them and love them, and then leave it at that. When we seek the Lord, He will help us to know.
I also learned that love is an incredible thing. As I think about Angie, I am continually amazed at the love that emanated from this woman. She gave so much to everyone. It is so hard for me to imagine one person sharing that much love so specially with so many people. Her family never felt cheated out of her love, she loved them immensely, and not just all as a whole, she loved them each individually in a special way! Then she showered more of that love through her church, and our school, and with other people as well. If we could all learn to love like that, what a difference we could make in this world. Let's make a difference!
Lord, I'm so thankful for these things that you are constantly teaching me, things that I am constantly learning or being reminded of. Help me to have an open heart to always learn. Even in these hard times there are so many important things that we can learn. May I always be a willing student. Some lessons are tougher than others, but I need all of them to be where You want me to be.
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