Saturday, April 28, 2012

I Hate This Disease!

Although blogging has been such a wonderful outlet for me, I still find it hard to totally share my heart.  I guess that is pretty normal.  This post is going to be a little different.  I'm not losing it, necessarily, lol, but have been thinking of writing this post for a little bit.  So, I hope you'll permit me this opportunity to share and get this out.

I hate this disease!!!!  This disease that changes a mom or dad and makes them become more like a child.  I hate this disease that changes the way a husband or wife responds to a spouse, forgetting the many wonderful years they have spent knowing and loving one another.  This disease that changes a brother and sister relationship, and keeps the person from remembering those special family memories, in only the way a brother or sister can.  I hate this disease that changes a grandma or grandpa and keeps them from knowing their precious grandchildren.  This disease that changes an outgoing, strong, confident individual into a shy, introverted, weak person.  I hate this disease that changes an amazing cook...someone who always had people looking/asking for certain favorite foods at picnics or parties, to someone who doesn't realize that you don't need to put the burner on high to scramble an egg, someone who doesn't remember what condiments to put on certain foods, who ends up putting jelly or butter on french fries, and now doesn't even try to get near the stove for any type of cooking.  This disease that changes a superb gardener... someone who always took care of her father's garden when he became an invalid and was no longer able to, who planted beautiful flowers around her own house in the spring and summer, and who always had beautiful plants throughout the house that people marveled at, into someone who doesn't remember to water the plants and is ready to throw them out if they start to wilt a little, and who has taken a strong liking to putting fake flowers in the front window instead.  I hate this disease that changes someone who always kept up with keeping the house clean and neat, to someone who barely even knows how to wash dishes anymore, who takes her plate or cup that she just finished using, wipes them a little with a kleenex or napkin and sets them back in place on the table for the next day, who puts forks, spoons, and knives back in the silverware drawer with food or butter or sauce still on them.  This disease that changes a clean, put-together person and keeps them from being able to properly clean themselves or clean up after themselves, especially with bigger messes, though they try, which often times makes matters worse.  I hate this disease that keeps a person from knowing what day it is, let alone the month or even the season.  This disease where time is non-existent; the person becomes unaware of how many hours have passed, has no idea how late or how early it is, or how inconvenient that can be at times.  I hate this disease where a person who has zipped, countless jackets, and buttoned countless pants or shirts, as a daycare provider for 22 years, now finds that to be a very difficult task to complete for themselves.  This disease where a people person doesn't want to answer the phone or let anyone in the house because they are so unsure of themselves and their ability to properly communicate.  I hate this disease where the person that once taught me to read by reading to me so much as a child and taught me to sound out words so that I could become a better reader (to the point that I read to my K-5 class), can barely read a few words from a magazine or on TV.  This disease that keeps a person, from when they finally do answer the phone, from taking a proper message (it ends up being my name, shakily written with an illegible number underneath it), then asks me who it could be.  I hate this disease that does not allow the person to remember what you just told them, but amazingly enough an old, familiar song comes on and they can sing or hum that without a problem.  This disease that makes a person ask the same questions countless times.  This disease that takes someone who used to be or at least used to seem to be fearless, and changes them into someone who has become more frightened of things, and sometimes things that aren't there (although it has been a while since that has taken place).  This disease that takes away words, memories, thoughts, and holds them captive.  This disease that has taken away my ability to ask or talk about old memories.  This disease that has taken away the person who holds the most memories with me, the only person to be able to share some things with...the person who I would love to go back and reminisce with, former kids that were at daycare, former church friends, former family friends, former jobs and friends from jobs, former school friends...for both of us.  This disease that has taken away all memories of the countless, wonderful family vacations.  This disease that destroys memories, even new ones that try to be made, it eats them away so quickly!  I hate this disease which has no cure, though, I am thankful for the meds that can help slow the progression some.  I hate this disease that has made me feel more like a single mother, or actually just a full-time caregiver...who doesn't have a clue what she is doing or if it's the right thing or not, rather than a beloved, special, doted on, and loved only child. This disease that has almost, but not quite made my position as daughter a forgotten place, with that one time that I was called sister.  I hate this disease!!!  But I LOVE the person that has this awful disease, and I continue to pray for a cure!  If not for my beloved mom, then at least for someone else who is suffering with or is caring for someone who is suffering with this awful disease.
Lord, you know how I feel about this disease, you have been with me every step of the way!  Thank you for being there.  Thank you for helping me!  Please continue to help me and give me wisdom as I strive to take the best care of my mom.  Lord, you didn't just give me to her and my dad, you gave us to each other, and I want to take the proper care of her in the best way I know how, for as long as I can, with your help and wisdom.  Please help me to do that!  Please give me the courage, strength, and wisdom.  Please help there to be a cure found for this awful disease soon, because I hate this disease!!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

So Thankful It's Friday!

What a difference a week makes!  Last Friday, about 10 p.m. (when I started writing this post) I was just leaving my awesomely fun wrap party at my friend Cathy's house!  She was so wonderful to be willing to open her house for my It Works launch party!  I wrapped about 10 ladies and all of them saw results from 1 to 4 inches lost!  It was awesome!!  We had a great time, so much fun!  Leave a comment if you're curious, I'd love to tell you more! :)  Really!!  The next day was wonderful as well.  My "mom" friend and I went to go see Fiddler on the Roof!  We had great fellowship...enjoyed the play....and had an amazing dinner at Red Lobster!!  I had two kinds of shrimp and lobster yumness!!  On my way home after dropping Mama G at home, my allergies kicked up in a major way.  The sneezing, the itchy eyes, the runny nose...that made for a long night.  I made it through Sunday, but was feeling the tiredness.
So after a great, long weekend, I had a couple of things I wanted to get done Sunday night, but wanted to get rest for the busy week ahead.  That "rest" plan got changed about 2 a.m. Monday morning... that's when I heard Bella scratching on my door.  It was pretty warm that night and I think she just got too warm in mom's room, so she wanted to come to my bed.  Oh joy!  I was able to get back to sleep, but that interruption did make getting up just 3 1/2 hours later tough.  Unfortunately it didn't end there!  Early Tuesday morning it happened again, but it was about 4 that morning.  And it happened again early Wednesday morning, again about 4.  The difference this time is that mom was up with the TV on, I went to go check to see if everything was OK.  Sometimes she may not be feeling well.  When I checked in, she was up getting dressed.  I told her what time it was and she said she knew she just wanted to get dressed.  Well, I was going back to bed...for a little bit.  It was getting tougher and tougher to wake up each morning.  Last week, all week, mom refused to let the homemaker/companion in.  I got a phone call three times that week!  I left school early the first day I got the call, because when that happened a couple of weeks ago she wasn't OK, still sitting on the edge of the bed.  When I rushed home that first day last week, mom was just relaxing on the couch.  When I asked her about not letting the homemaker/companion in, she just said, "Oh I didn't feel like getting up."  Then later, "They don't like Bella."  Aaaahhhhhh!!!!  Well, I didn't rush home the next two times, but did try to get home as soon as possible to make sure everything was OK...which it was!  I finally told Keep Me Home that I thought we needed to look into a new companion.  This girl talked...LOTS!!  She would talk to me for two hours straight whenever I was home!  She didn't clean or spend time with mom, just talked to me about......nothing much really! Ugh!  Then lately she had taken to "reorganizing" more than she did cleaning.  Anyway, they were going to find someone new.  Yay!! Wednesday was the first day she was coming.  I called and told them that I had made arrangements for her to get in.  When I got home, though, it didn't seem as if anyone had been there.  I can't ask mom, well, I mean I did, but she doesn't remember.  Wednesday night when I got home mom had had an accident and hadn't cleaned up well.  That was tough to have to come home and deal with.  As I was helping her clean up better, I noticed some white things on the floor.  When I looked closer, and picked them up, I realized they were pieces of bone!  I forgot that I usually try not to give mom chicken with bones anymore because she will feed them to Bella.  So, while I was gone, that's what happened.  I had bought some chicken wings and given them to her for dinner...and she did give some to Bella.  She didn't remember though of course.  That scared me, because I know that's not good for her, but of course mom doesn't remember that. :-/  Thursday I was spared the early morning wake up, thankfully!!  It was still an odd day, as I had to sub for 3rd and 4th grade for most of the day.  I was able to go let off some stress by going to exercise with my friend Angie! That was great fun!! But don't get too excited for me, the early morning wake up happened again this morning.  This time it was about 15 minutes before I had to get up.  Bella came to the door, and mom headed to the bathroom.  Bella was running around a bit, and it seemed like she had to go to the bathroom, so I took her out for a second, but made her come right back in.  I was going to try to get a few more minutes of sleep in.  That didn't happen... before I knew it, my alarm was going off.  Needless to say, I wasn't in the best of moods getting up.  It was another weird day.  All week we have had SAT testing, that takes place in the morning, then have to try to get in the four subjects I teach the 3rd grade with whatever time we have left until 1 p.m.  Then they go back to their classroom and do the rest of the subjects with their teacher.  Today, not only did we have testing, but the kids had their Amerathon walk to do as well, plus the 1st through 4th grades were having a going away party for a brother and sister whose last day was today.  So, I had to try to get my subjects done early so the kids had time to do what they needed to in their 4th grade classroom before the Amerathon walk and the party.  I wasn't able to go check out either because of my other responsibilities.  I was definitely ready to get home to relax, had to do some shopping first, but now I am relaxing!  And after my exhausting week, missing the mom I used to know, feeling a bit down, feeling as if I need to just stop dreaming some dreams, my awesome friend Kasey randomly texts me to remind me not to give up, my time is coming!  The Lord just gave her that thought to share with me!  Wow!  It's pretty amazing how God does that!
Lord, this was a rough week.  If  I'm going to be honest and why not, You already know my heart....I had a tough time trusting what you are doing in my life this week.  I wondered why I would have some great moments only to come home and be discouraged by things with mom.  I still don't understand it all, but I'm just going to continue to try to trust you through it.  It's not easy, though, and I feel at times you haven't really made it easy for me, but I'm just a sinful, struggling human, and I know my thoughts and ways are not yours.  I know you have a plan for my hope and future!  So, I'll keep trying!  Thank you for friends who love me, encourage me, help me, and make me laugh, cry, and smile on a daily basis!  Thank You, for caring for mom, Bella, and me!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Spring Break Update

The unofficial start of my spring break, as you already heard, was mom not feeling well.  She did slowly start to feel better, though there were a couple of moments during the week that I did worry about her.  I still enjoyed a pretty sweet, and restful break!  I enjoyed sleeping much!! :)  I also enjoyed staying up late!  I got in some good reading time, which I always enjoy!  I also got to have a wonderful lunch with my amazing blessing of a friend, Kasey!  We went to On the Border and had a blast, enjoying great food and fellowship!  It is always a blessing to get together with her!  I watched my Huskies get to the Final Four...although tonight, I just watched them lose to Notre Dame...ugh!!! :(  Now Notre Dame has to be on, well, they have been on, but are definitely now on my..."Ick, I can't/won't cheer for you to win" list!  Too bad for them, they won't have me cheering for them!  Ok, back to spring break, I also got to enjoy a fun craft project that I was so excited about.  Between Pinterest and other fun blogs, I got this great craft idea!!  Hold on....buckle up....because  I'm telling you this is so super cool and exciting!
Check these out!!

A cute blog Little Miss Glamour Goes to Kindergarten did a fun post about glitter shoes.  The idea for the flats came from We are Not Martha.  It was pretty easy to do!

Mod Podge with some black glitter.  I added a little bit of other colors, too, but wanted a darker color.
Mix the Mod Podge and glitter
This is what it looks like after the first layer of the mixture is placed on the shoes.

The top pictures are after four layers of the mixture have dried.  Then it suggests putting one more layer of the Mod Podge on at the end to keep the glitter from coming off.  We are Not Martha actually used a Clear    Glaze Spray after the final mixture layer.  Either way they turn out looking amazing, do they not???
But then......check these out!!

Little Miss Glamour also had glitter soles in her post, but I had already pinned that on Pinterest a while ago.  They use the same process!  The hardest part is just waiting for them to dry so you can see how they look, and now it's just the agonizing wait until I can wear them! :)  So spring break was the perfect time to try these out.  I'm so glad I did!!  Hope I didn't blow you away too badly! :)  I know, they are pretty great! 
The one, I guess you could say "glitch" came Thursday.  I planned on another quiet day, but mom had a Dr.'s appointment.  I made it because of those couple of times mom made me nervous during the week.  She seemed to start to feel pretty sick after eating breakfast and dinner a couple of days in a row.  So I needed to make one.  It wasn't until 3, so that was nice, but I just hoped that it wouldn't take too long.  Sometimes we end up waiting for a while.  I thought if we could get out of there at a somewhat decent time (before dinner) we would take a trip over to Middletown to a cupcake shop there.  My friend Keilani told me they have the best cupcakes...well, she had a bacon maple cupcake that she said was amazing!  I wanted to just go see what they had.  Well, the doctor wanted to make sure there wasn't anything serious going on and wanted mom to have tests right away.  So, although we got out of there by about 3:45, we just ended up going over to New Britain General Hospital's Emergency Room for those tests....and we didn't leave until after 10 that night.  Hmmm....I didn't think the NoRA Cupcake Company would still be open at that time, so...we just went home.  By the way, the tests all came back fine!  That was why I was able to take mom back home, thankfully!  She has been much better the past few days.  Oh well, at least I had Friday to enjoy more free time, and I did.  It's been a great break, and I must admit, I'm a bit hesitant to go back tomorrow...but it is a short week!  So.....I think I can handle it! :)
Lord, thank you for an enjoyable week!  Thank you for the time spent with mom and Bella!  Thank you for the time spent with my wonderful friend, Kasey!  Thanks for allowing me to try my fun craft!  Thank you that mom is OK, and there were no problems with the tests she had.  Thank you for some quiet time and rest...and help me, PLEASE help me to be ready for tomorrow! :)  Thanks!