Thursday, January 19, 2012

It Was Today...

It was today, four years ago, that the most important, special man in my life left this earth, and my mom and me, for his wonderful new home in heaven.  It was today, four years ago, that I woke up just thinking of having great day with my best friend at a basketball game.  It was today, four years ago, that those plans quickly changed.  It was today, four years ago, that I got a phone call that scared me and made me wonder...wonder if this would be the day.  It was today, four years ago, that I went to the hospital and struggled to be strong as I saw the man I loved so dearly in so much pain.  It was today, four years ago, that my best friend and her mom came to the hospital to be with mom and me.  It was today, four years ago, that my mom's pastor left whatever he was doing to come be with us.  It was today, four years ago, that I really saw my dad in real pain, and unable to hide that pain.  It was today, four years ago, that I saw him going down hill.  It was today four years ago, that the nurses tried to take my pappy's blood and couldn't even do that.  It was today, four years ago that this wonderful, amazing man, despite all of his pain went around the room...twice... telling everyone in the room he loved them.  It was today, four years ago, that we waited with him and wouldn't leave his side until it was time for him to go down and get his cat scan.  It was today, four years ago, that I kissed him on his forehead and told him I loved him and made sure mom did the same before they took him for his cat scan.  It was today, four years ago, that we went down to the restaurant in the hospital to eat while we waited for pappy to come back from his cat scan.  It was today, four years ago, that when my friend Chinita and I were in the hallway a couple of doctors asked us to get our moms and pastor.  It was today, four years ago, that the doctors took us in a private room and had mom and I sit down while they delivered the dreadful, heartbreaking, mind-numbing news that my pappy had passed away.  It was today, four years ago, my pappy, the most amazing man...the one I loved so dearly...the one who made me feel beautiful...the man, who I always knew was so proud of me...the man who would often tell the corniest jokes...the man who would make fun of me for crying at TV shows or movies...the one who used to watch WWF with me on Saturday mornings...the one who would swing me on his amazingly huge and strong biceps muscle...the one who would watch Dance Fever with me, and try some of the moves with me...the one who helped me ride my bike...the one who finally came to know the Lord as his Savior when he was about 52 years old...the one who was always in church after that...the man who was a favorite chef at Cigna for over 30 years...the man who was always giving and kind to all...the one who took amazing care of his family...that amazing man would no longer be able to kiss, hug, laugh, talk, or share with me on this side of Jordan.  It was today, four years ago, that I thought my heart would break in two.  It was today, four years ago, that I sobbed louder than I have ever heard just because I missed him.  It was today four years ago, that the hospital became totally full of family and friends who came to be with us and reached out to us.  It was today four years ago, that I saw my strong, fun uncles, my sweet aunts, my funny cousins, break down, and cry over their brother, brother-in-law, or uncle.  It was today, four years ago, that I saw my pappy's friends grieve over not having him here any longer.  It was today, four years ago, that I just sat by my pappy's bedside holding his hand...I just wanted to hold that loving hand for as long as I could.  It was today, four years ago, that mom and I were covered in so much love from so many wonderful people.  It was today, four years ago, that mom and I came home, and though pappy hadn't been in the house for several days, it seemed more empty that night.  It was today, four years ago, that mom and I clung to each other to help each other grieve.  I can't believe it's been four years, the memories are as vivid as if it had just been yesterday.  The Lord has helped us through these past four years without him.  I miss him so much, but I am glad that I have the assurance that I know I will see him again one day!  What a glorious day that will be!
Oh, pappy, I miss you so much, I think of you all the time and wonder what life would be like if you were here.  I know it was the Lord's time for you to be home with him in a place of rest and peace.  But it is hard for us still here, living without you.  Thank you, for who you are to me, and who you always were to me.  I love you dearly, miss you dearly, and can't wait to see you again soon!
Lord, thank you for loving my pappy!  Thank you for helping him come to know you, so he is in the best place to be.  Thank you that he is free from pain!  Help me to continue to be strong and trust you and your plan for my life!  Give him my love.  Tell him eins, zwei, drei, vier, ich liebe dich, auf wiedersehen! (What we used to say to each other every night.)  Give him a big hug from me, his pooky pooky poo!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Simple Joys

I am a simple person, and many times it's the little things that bring me much joy!  The past few days, there were several simple things that really brought me joy and put a smile on my face.  This past Friday, as I was helping to monitor the 9th grade keyboarding class, the two Senior boys (yes, there are only two Senior boys, as my profile states, it's a small Christian school), called me out into the hallway where they serenaded me with a sweet little song.  How could that not make a person's day?!  Who doesn't love to be serenaded?!  Sweet little song...great voices...nice harmony...big smile on my face!  After school that same day, I got to see one of my former students who had been gone for a week on a mission's trip to Haiti.  I wasn't able to talk to her for long, but I could see how excited she was about it.  She said it was a great experience for her, which I'm sure it was!  It is such a joy to see my kids serving the Lord as young adults.  She serves in her church already in some great ways, but to serve the Lord in a different capacity (an orphanage), in a different place (Haiti), is such a blessing to see!
Saturday I got to go to the alumni basketball games for the girls and boys.  I love basketball and love watching the kids play, but don't ask me how they did, or the score, etc., because this ended up being more of a fellowship time for me.  I think both the high school teams won.  My friend Steven was there and I had the opportunity to talk to him for a while.  Then I made my way to the kitchen to talk to some of my friends there.  My friend Amy told me her granddaughter was there at the game and would love to see me.  I went over to where she was sitting with her mom.  I was greeted with the biggest, sweetest smile and hug.  Then, next thing I know, I had the cutest little bug on my lap.  Once again, how could I not smile at that!  I had a great time talking to her mom, too.  In between our conversation we did catch some of the game.  Next thing I knew the girl's game was over.  I moved down to the other side of the gym because there were some former students down there that I wanted to catch up with.  I also enjoyed fellowship with other friends, and got hold my friend's sweet foster baby.  All of this distracted me a bit from full concentration on the games, but what a fun, enjoyable time!  Sweet moments, great memories, and simple joys, gotta love them!

Monday, January 2, 2012

2012...A Fresh Start

A new year....I must say I've never been a huge New Years person.  I don't make resolutions, I know I probably wouldn't keep them.  I haven't even always looked forward to it.  With mom and dad having been sick these past few years, it just made me think that that year may be the one they don't make it through (that was the case almost four years ago with my pappy).   We didn't even go out to parties much.  The past few years I would go over to our friends the Mason's house, but even then I would leave well before midnight to get back home to mom and dad (since pappy was sick), or to get mom home (pappy was no longer with us so I took her with me, but she couldn't handle staying out that late), or to get home to mom (she didn't want to go and decided to just stay home).  This year we did what we had always done in the past...just stayed home.  I was watching TV and on the computer, Bella was by my side, and mom was upstairs watching the Hallmark channel.  I took Bella out before I put her to bed with mom, since mom did not have a clue what the day was, she was probably just ready to go to sleep.  About a minute before midnight I went to her room, she still had her TV on so I didn't feel guilty thinking I was waking her up.  I came with our glasses of Sparkling Grape Juice and we watched the ball drop.  We wished each other a Happy New Year and I gave her a kiss.  We drank our Sparkling Grape Juice as we watched Dick Clark for a bit.  She mentioned how my dad wasn't here to celebrate New Years with us.  I told her I know it's sad, but we still have each other.  We finished our  grape juice and I said goodnight to her and Bella.  As I went back downstairs for a bit I couldn't help but think and pray that the Lord would help me with some things this year.  I want to rise above the discouragement and hold on to Him more and trust Him more.  I want to stop worrying about what the year might bring, and live one day at a time...enjoying that time.  I want to keep a positive mindset, not listening to Satan's lies.  I want to look ahead, to press toward the mark, rather than looking back at past disappointments and discouragements and mistakes.  I want to understand and accept the fact that I will still make mistakes, I will still struggle with these things, and instead of beating myself up and thinking of myself as a failure, I will look up to the hills from where my help comes from.  I want to be forgiving, of not only others, but myself as well.  I want to seek to pray more for others, and to try to encourage them in the Lord.  I want to love and enjoy every moment with mom, rather than worrying and wondering if this will be the last.  I want to embrace this year, and all that the Lord has for me through it, good or bad, knowing that He will go with me and be by my side all the way.  I want to remember how much He cares and never to doubt that.  I want to be encouraged by focusing on and following His words and His plans for me each day.  I want to enjoy this fresh new start that a new year brings, and I want to trust more.
Lord, it's a fresh start to a new year.  Help me to fully rely on you, trust you, heed you, and believe that you always have the best in store for me.  As I read Genesis chapter 1, which of course I know well, thank you for giving me a new perspective about it.  That was a fresh start as you spoke the world into existence.  As I think about you doing that and how wonderfully everything turned out because you made it good and saw that it was good, why should I doubt that you will do what is good for me in my life!  You knew just what you were doing when you created the world, how dare I doubt that you know what you are doing in my life!  And just as in the beginning you saw that it was good, I can know that you are seeing and doing what is good for me.  Thank you!  Help me to remember and trust and obey and look to you and not listen to Satan and not be selfish and listen to you and to others and love fully and enjoy each moment of each day that you give me!

What are some things you are striving for this coming New Year?  Would love to hear them, please drop a comment to let me know!  I would love to be encouraged by and learn some of the things the Lord is showing others, so please share!