Changes

I've never been big on changes. I've lived in this cute, little house with the big backyard all my life. The biggest change that I first really struggled with, you would think would be college, it was a big change, but I really enjoyed it. No, the biggest change that was hard for me was coming home after graduating from college and finding out that my mom was going to retire from doing daycare! What??!!? Then what am I supposed to do? All my life I have had kids around and loved it! What will I do without them being there? The next time I struggled with change, it was when my dad got sick for the first time. My aunt(mom's sister) had been sick for a week, we found out later that her body had been racked with cancer, at the end of that week she died. My aunt died in the early evening, about 2 that morning my mom was rushing my dad to the hospital because he wasn't able to walk. Of course, he just said mom was overreacting and he was fine. Come to find out later, his leukemia that had never been a problem for him, had now started becoming a problem. He only had 18% of the blood in his body that he should have had, which was why he was so weak he couldn't walk. That change really affected me, I ended up with anxiety. This was the man who hadn't missed a day of work in 30 years, the worst thing he would get would be colds. He was strong and healthy, so to see this change was quite difficult. Then came the change of mom's health. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. She and dad would go do their chemo treatments together. I started to really hate this change of seeing my parents age and struggle with sickness. Seeing my dad so weak from the leukemia and also from diabetes was one of the saddest changes. That strong, healthy man was being weakened so much by these awful, unforgiving diseases. The biggest truly heartbreaking change in my life came when the Lord saw fit to take my dad home to heaven. I am still struggling and trying to deal with that change. Of course, that change brought about another change that has been extremely difficult lately, the change of mom's health as we are dealing with Alzheimer's. She is surviving cancer, but now her mind is ravaged with this awful disease. With this disease different changes and challenges come every day. There are changes in other areas of my life, some possible different changes for next year. I still struggle with changes and I'm not sure what these changes will bring about. I have seen some positive things with change and some not so positive things, never know which it will be, but I have to trust that whatever these changes bring about will all work together for good because we love and trust Him.
Lord, ugh, I hate change! There has been so much of it in my life lately, I'm not sure if I can handle more. But I know with you I can handle anything that comes my way because You will lead me through it and show me Your perfect will. I am stubborn, so You are going to have to help me trust and deal with the changes You bring, knowing that this is part of Your plan for me! Help me trust the changes You bring me through, and thank you for being there with me!