Breathe

I can't believe it's already the 18th of January, I had planned to write this closer to the beginning of
the month/new year.  Time moves fast, faster than I do, I guess. :)
I'm not a huge new year person, I don't remember what I felt when I was younger, but the past probably nine years or so, it hasn't necessarily been my favorite.  I started seeing sickness and death become more prevalent. So it became something I almost dreaded. Eight years ago I remember celebrating New Year's Eve with my parents at home, though my dad was not doing well.  Mom and I sat in his room to watch the ball drop, we broke out the sparkling grape juice while dad was on the commode (I know TMI, but it's the memory I have).  We toasted each other and thanked the Lord that we were able to bring in another new year together.  I was very thankful, though I had the feeling my pappy wouldn't make it through the year, so it was with mixed emotions that I celebrated.  Nineteen days later it happened...I got a phone call from my mom that my dad wasn't doing well and I should probably come to the hospital.  Several hours later my dad went home to glory. That started the beginning of a tough year.  From that point on I started seeing my mom go downhill in her health, starting to show signs of Alzheimer's.  My role completely changed from grieving daughter to care taker.  And with the passing of the next few new years I watched her getting worse.  Eight months after celebrating the New Year of 2012 with my mom she went home to glory as well.  Then came the process of trying to take care of the house and things, and celebrating by myself.  So, it hasn't been my favorite.  I don't make resolutions because those usually fall by the way side anyway, so for me it's just a night to watch the ball drop while drinking sparkling grape juice, and that's pretty much it.
This year was the same, I had my sparkling grape juice, my dog by my side, and I watched the ball drop.  I wished people Happy New Year, was wished the same by many friends, I looked at pictures and read what people wrote on Facebook, and then as has happened for the past several years, I allowed Satan to let my mind wander to what was going to go wrong this year.  I was already in pain with my wrists, and was feeling old and used up, with nothing really to look forward to. I was discouraged.  But on New Year's Day, I got up and took Bella out and saw these gorgeous formations of Canadian geese flying overhead, and took some pictures, and at one point the Lord gently spoke to me.  He reminded me that no matter what pain I'm in or how old I feel because of that pain, He's in control and hasn't said I'm used up yet...I'm still breathing.  And He reminded me that He's not through with me because He still has plans for me and a purpose for me.  So while I'm still breathing, I need to live!  No excuses!  I have handed Satan back the doubts and fears and worries and wrong attitudes he has tried to place on me, and I am choosing to remember to just breathe...breathe and live this life that God has given me. January 3 our Pastor unveiled our new theme for 2016 for our church and it is simply "Follow!"  What a great theme! Seems so simple, but yet it's difficult. He preached an amazing message that morning about keeping our eyes on Christ this year, trusting Him and simply learning to follow Him.  What a great way to start this year!
Thank you, Lord for the messages you have given me to start this year, to breathe and live the life you have given me...to follow you and trust you through this year.  Help me to constantly be reminded of these truths throughout this year.