Friday, August 7, 2015

Who Am I?

No, I haven't lost my mind or had a sudden case of amnesia, don't worry. :)  (Wow, it's been almost a year since my last sad!  It's not that I haven't had things on my heart and mind, just haven't shared lately.)  This has been on my heart for a little bit, so I'm just finally taking the time to sit down and write it.

It's coming up on the third anniversary (if that's how you refer to it) of my mom's passing.  As it does, I definitely can't help but think of this.  There are many different labels in the world, very special ones, but it's been hard for me to realize I don't fit most of them.  (Please don't go crazy on me after reading the beginning, make sure to read all the way to the end so you will fully understand where this is going.)  In this world of labels, though I know I always am, I can't really count daughter as one of them anymore.  My mom and dad aren't here for me, I don't get loving daughter cards from them anymore.  I don't get to share fun memories of our family times with them anymore.  I don't have family vacations with them anymore.  I don't get introduced as the daughter of Buddy or Sandy anymore. Of course I will always be known as that and thought of as that, but it's not really quite an official title anymore, and that's been tough for me.
I'm also not really a sister, not in the sense that most people think of sisters.  I do have a half sister, and I love her, but we have never had a real relationship.  We have seen each other a few times and spent a little time with each other, but nothing lately.  I have a few vague memories, but that's it.  I remember her and her kids coming over to the house a few times, and going with her and her cousins to the circus, then it was great to see her at my dad's funeral, but that's about all I have for memories.  I got a card from her after my mom passed, but haven't seen her or heard from her since.  So, not really a sister, which is another special label, I see sweet posts about sisters all the time, but I can't relate, since I'm not really one.  Which also means I'm not really an aunt.  My niece and nephew don't really know me at all.  The youngest nephew I never got to meet, and he sadly has already passed away.  So, not an aunt either.
Then there's the really special labels (the big ones) you hear about all the time, whether it's on Facebook, or when you're out with friends, or in church, or wherever...the labels of wife and mother. Those are definitely labels that I cannot relate to at all.  I'm not a wife or mother, or even a girlfriend for that matter.  But those are very important labels in this world that people are very proud to own, and rightfully so...though it can be difficult for those that don't have or can't relate to those labels. And it's also many times equally as difficult for those that have those labels to relate to those that don't have them.  So, in this grand scheme of things, I have had to ask myself...who am I?   Of course Satan has had a big part in that, making me think of all the things I'm not and questioning who I really am.
But then...
The Lord shows up to remind me who I am.  He reminds me that I'm a child of the King!!  I'm royalty!  I am His child and He is my Father!!  I'm not a perfect daughter.  Many times it's a typical daddy/daughter relationship.  I complain about things I don't understand or don't like.  Sometimes I even have the nerve to tell him he must not love me because of certain things that happened, or because of things that He hasn't allowed to happen for me.  I have sometimes even (foolishly) given Him the silent treatment.  Yet he does what a Father does...He loves me anyway.  He draws me to Him and reminds me of that love, and reminds me who I am.  He reminds me that He will never leave me or forsake me.  He reminds me that He will always take care of me, provide for me, and protect me.  He reminds me that I am His daughter and that's the most important label I could ever have.
Lord, thank you for reminding me who I am in You!  Thank You for being my daddy!  Thank You for caring for me, for taking care of my needs, for providing for me, and for always being there for me.  Thank You for Your death on the cross so that I can be Yours.  Thank You for giving me the best label of Child of the King!

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