Who knows what a day, weekend, or year will bring. Almost two years ago this weekend, a day brought me the saddest moment of my life. That weekend changed my life forever. That also made for a difficult year as mom and I adjusted to life without the love of our lives. I think I'll save the details for the actual anniversary day. It'll be good for me to share it that day, I think. My only hope that year was just to make it through while keeping my mind intact. I knew it would be a tough year and it was, but God helped me through it. He gave me a great class that year. I was truly blessed. Last year I remember a friend telling me that 2009 would be a much better year for me and she hoped I just enjoyed it. Well....it wasn't really a better year for me, and many moments I didn't enjoy at all. My mom started showing more memory loss, so I was trying to take care of many of the house needs and bills and whatever else needed to be taken care of. It was tough, because I didn't know what exactly I was doing or how to make it work for us. That's a frustrating thing. Money was also quite tight, so cars couldn't get fixed, bills had to wait a little, phone calls had to be made to take care of some things. I felt like I was being pulled in so many different ways, and didn't know how much more I could handle without cracking. The Lord knew though, and even though I didn't understand and became frustrated and questioned His love for me, He was in control the whole time. Sometimes I wouldn't feel Him, but I kept praying and asking Him to bring us through. He didn't...at least not when I was ready for Him to. He did...when it was His time. The fall of 2009 brought some very dark moments for me, Satan really tried to discourage me so much and bring me down. So many times I cried and begged God for my joy. Just when I thought there was no joy in sight, the Lord did what He does best. He provided in His time and in His way. I was so ready to be done with 2009, I needed to put that behind me and move on. That's what I'm trying to do...move on. With the Lord's help, He is allowing me to be able to move on. He has provided friends, some old and some new, family, and church family to truly be a blessing in my life. So, saying goodbye to 2009 was great, now I'm pressing on to see what the Lord has in store for 2010. It was definitely an interesting day today, but I am really looking forward to a good weekend this weekend. Sunday will be interesting I think! I am looking forward to seeing what this year will bring.
Lord, I don't know what you have in store for me this year, but I do know that I just want to go through it with you. For only in your strength can I handle what you have for me, good or bad.
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