11 days into the start of the new year, and as I said before, I am so ready to get into this year! I am just looking forward to putting the stresses and sadness of last year behind me. Just a few months ago, I was so stressed and struggling-even spiritually. Satan was really trying to bring me down. This really all stemmed from the event that took place almost two years ago when my dad went home to be with the Lord. That was one of the toughest moments in my life. The rest of 2008 was ok, it was sad and difficult going through so many special times without him, but it was ok. 2009 was a little bit of a different story. There was a major misunderstanding on our part with Bank of America and they were pretty relentless. It was very discouraging. We owe them major money because of a loan my dad took out on the equity of the house. I was trying to get things settled with them, but nothing seemed to be working, I couldn't get anyone to help me, or work with me. Mom was shelling out big bucks to them because of past due payments that we did not understand we were responsible to pay. There were other things as well that I was trying to take care of. My mom hasn't been the same since my dad's death. She has become very forgetful. So now it's like I am taking care of her. It's just a little hard to be thrust into it so quickly. I also had been feeling very lonely. It's difficult to be my age (which will remain unspoken, hee hee), still be single (with such a strong desire to have a family), and have this new life thrust on me. I know the Lord is teaching me something through all of this, but it is difficult. Satan kept putting wrong thoughts in my mind, sadly there were moments when I could not bring my spirits up, not with good music, not with Scripture, not with prayer. That was tough. I just kept begging the Lord to bring me peace and I kept asking for MY JOY. Through all of these struggles I kept thinking about Job, my Bible hero. I just knew that no matter what I had to keep trusting the Lord. That's not always easy when so many things are coming at you all at the same time. It's much easier said than done. Not only did we have the Bank of America thing to deal with. I also could not get my mom's doctor to help me with a mental health assessment or referral to a gerentologist (sp?). I also needed to make calls to see if my mom should be getting a pension because she hasn't been getting it. That would be a help to us because money has been so tight. There were a couple of months there for a while where neither mom nor I had any money by the end of the month, and I didn't know what we were going to do. Our stove went out at one point, the bottom coil didn't work, so we couldn't do any baking or major cooking in it. Both cars needed oil changes and more, but we didn't have the money for that. The sink started clogging, and we have a drip from an outside faucet. It was just one thing after the other. The Lord was so gracious, though, because there were days where I would ask the Lord to send someone to be an encouragement or for Him to show Himself to me here on earth. He would do that each time and I truly felt blessed.
November brought a little change in the air. My mom's pastor and assistant pastor came to the house to see what things needed to be done. They tried to help with the stove, but the problem was internal and would not be able to be fixed. They took care of my mom's car and what needed to be done. They took mine to check out what needs to be done with it. We received a Visa card for $50 that someone wanted to give us. My church also helped us out with some needs. There were other things that the Lord provided and showed me and did for us in November, but I will share more next time.
I even have a picture that I took that the Lord allowed me to see. There were a bunch of old leaves on the ground and there was a random bright yellow leaf in the middle of them. The Lord showed and taught me that, "Even when things seem bleak and dreary all around us, the Lord gives us little glimpses of beauty to remind us of Him." That kept me trying to hold on and I still am, but I am seeing the Lord's grace and goodness.
Lord, I am so thankful for your grace and for your lessons that you teach even though I am sometimes too stubborn to notice.
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