I Just Felt Compelled

I have heard these words so much lately, and I can totally relate.  I got up Friday and got a text from a friend who was going to come check out the problem with my back porch.  He came over and saw what my concern was, and he also walked around and noticed some other things that he wanted to make me aware of.  Then he shared with me that he will be helping to take care of these things in the days ahead.  He even took the time to temporarily jack up the porch for me so I wouldn't be afraid to walk on it.  Oh yea, and did I mention....it was pouring rain the whole time!!  So, he also dug out some small trenches around the house to keep the water from pooling right by the house. What an incredible blessing!!
A little after he left the rain stopped and the sun tried to make a bit of an appearance.  As I was just doing things around the house my mind kept going to Newtown.  I just felt compelled to go down there to show my support and love.  It was amazing to see how much support and love has been showered on this little town.  Here are some pictures I took.

The traffic to get to the memorial site

The bear that I left to show support!

Sandy Hook Angels

This touched me so much, 6 larger penguins and 20 little ones.

Another sweet, sad tribute with 6 larger bears and 20 little ones.

More things left for support and love across the street.

To the right  of the tree was a girl that was giving hugs to people.

Little angels

20 little hearts + 6 heroes = 26 angels

Therapy dogs were there for people to pet and to bring a sweet smile to faces!

I also felt compelled to go by the church where the funeral for little Ana was being held right up the street from me.  I had a purple sparkly shirt on to show my support for the family.  I know her cousins so my heart was knit there in more than one way.

This was the sky outside the church right after the funeral for little Ana Marquez-Greene.

Leaving the church to go to the burial site.

Horse drawn carriage for this precious little girl, so heartbreaking!

Let's not forget!  May we feel compelled to keep this spirit of love and kindness and caring all through the year!
Continuing to pray for Newtown and the families of the victims.  May they know the peace that only Jesus can bring!

In the Face of Tragedy

In the face of tragedy, as in Newtown, CT, sweet innocence is lost.  In the face of tragedy fear becomes a strong emotion for many.  In the face of tragedy trusting children sadly gain a different view of the world.  In the face of tragedy during this time of year the beauty, joy, and light of the Christmas season becomes painfully darkened.  In the face of tragedy families are torn apart...children who were excited and looking forward to Christmas and presents and family time are no longer here to celebrate this special time with moms, dads, brothers, sisters, other family members, and friends.  In the face of tragedy places that were thought of as safe and protected now become subject to scrutiny and questions of how safe they really are.  In the face of tragedy the world starts thinking differently.  In the face of tragedy new laws are made, and new rules are set in place.  In the face of tragedy, especially when precious, innocent lives are lost, there is anger.  In the face of tragedy questions float around in people's minds wondering how something like this could happen.  In the face of tragedy beautiful, quiet, little towns become known worldwide for such awful reasons, and will sadly never be the same again.  In the face of tragedy people that are normally thought of as just regular, everyday, ordinary people become heroes.  Not that they weren't already in some way or form.

 In the face of tragedy the principal, psychologist, and teachers of Sandy Hook found a strength and wisdom that they probably never realized they had.  They showed amazing love and resolve that will never be forgotten.  In the face of tragedy those that are thought of as our normal everyday heroes... our police officers, firefighters and first responders once again rush into danger with no thought of themselves, but only of those they are trying to help and save.  Please don't forget to uplift them in prayer as well. They have to see all the devastation firsthand...

They have to bring the sad news to families... They have to try to hold it together....but they also have to grieve!  These are men and women with families and children of their own, they have emotions and feelings and hearts that break, so please let's not forget to pray for them, too!
In the face of tragedy people bond together.  In the face of tragedy hearts open and love pours out.  In the face of tragedy communities become stronger.  In the face of tragedy prayer becomes acceptable.  In the face of tragedy the good in many shines through.  In the face of tragedy God is there.  We just need to keep our faith and trust in Him.  In the face of tragedy satan tries to shake our faith.  In the face of tragedy people are searching for peace and hope.  In the face of tragedy Christians need to share where our hope and peace comes from.  In the face of tragedy hearts are open, so let's not miss the opportunity to share Him and pray for people to see His light...even in the face of tragedy.
Lord, my heart is so broken for the families of all of the lives lost in this awful tragedy.  Help us not to miss the opportunity to love more, give more, be kind, and share your love with those around us.  Comfort the families, wrap your loving arms around them.  Help us to continue to trust You, not allowing our faith to be shaken, but strengthened.  And help us to love you more!

What's Your Legacy?

There are so many things I have wanted to blog about, and I have started a couple of other posts, but haven't finished them yet...I guess that was a fairly obvious statement!  But I have wanted to write about this for a couple of weeks, so on this beautiful, restful Columbus Day, I'm finally taking a moment to.  Of course with both of my parents in heaven now, and with the passing of mom almost 2 months ago, this is on my mind.  I hope and pray my life can be a testimony of my wonderful parents.  They were simply amazing!!

A couple of weeks ago a local pastor, Pastor Nelson, came to speak to our kids for chapel.  He talked about spankings, and more specifically the worst spanking he had to endure.  He mentioned that there were many times in his childhood when he would hear those dreaded words from his mom, "wait 'til your father gets home".  He said his dad would then take him in the back room and talk to him, teach him about what he had done wrong, then spank him for what he had done. He said his dad always tried to teach them something, it wasn't just about the punishment.  One day when he was a young boy he was heading to vacation bible school with his brother and a couple of friends.  On their way, they saw a car on the side of the road with an engine fire.  They watched for a little while, because as he said, what boy would not find that fascinating!  After watching for a little while they headed on to the church.  On their way back home, they saw the car was still there, but the fire had been put out, so they decided to have some fun, chucking stones at the car.  They kept doing that for a while, and then the young Pastor Nelson decided that the little stones weren't doing enough, so he chose to pick up a big rock and chuck it at the car.  It got the desired effect because it broke one of the windows of the car.  The boys didn't know it, but a neighbor of theirs was watching through the blinds and saw what they were doing and called the police.  After the window broke, they decided to head home.  A little after they got home the police came to the house and walked up to his brother and friend who were outside, he asked them if they broke the car window and they both said no.  The friend asked if the police wanted to know who did throw the rock and told on the young Pastor Nelson, who was inside with his mom.  The police went to the door and told his mom what he had done.  He said after the police officer left he heard those dreaded words, "wait 'til your father gets home".  He and his brother had to spend the rest of the day in the house worrying about when their dad got home.  When he did and talked to their mother, he told the boys to head to the back room.  They waited for him and when he came in he had two belts in his hand, which made the boys really nervous, wondering what he was going to do.  He told the boys that what they did was wrong, they had destroyed someone else's property, something that did not belong to them.  He told them they deserved to be strongly punished for that.  It was something that was very wrong, and they really deserved to be spanked.  Then what Pastor Nelson said next shocked me and brought quick tears to my eyes.  He said that after his dad told them that, he handed each of them a belt and told them that he was going to take that spanking for them.  He told them to use the belts to spank him and his 6 foot tall dad got down on his knees and waited for them to hit him.  This pastor said he couldn't do it, he just cried, but his dad told him to hit him....to give him the spanking, he was taking it for them.  Pastor Nelson said he just kept crying, and finally his dad got up and hugged both boys.  Then he explained to them that that is exactly what Jesus did for all of us on the cross.  What an amazing picture...an amazing lesson!  He said that his dad had, I think 4 or 5 kids, and they were all saved and all serving the Lord, and all 28 of his grandchildren are also saved.  What a great legacy he left!  He also mentioned that his dad grew up with a father that was a heavy drinker, he eventually left the family and his dad ended up just being raised by his mother.  His dad could have used the excuse that he didn't have the greatest childhood, but he didn't let that keep him from doing the right thing, especially by his children.  Then Pastor Nelson told the students that their parents have started the path for them to follow, it's already been patted/laid down, and they just need to follow.  What a wonderful lesson for the students to hear...to think about the legacy their parents have left for them to follow!  What a wonderful lesson for all of us!  What legacy did our parents leave for us to follow?  What legacy will we leave for those coming behind us?
Lord, thank you for the amazing parents you gave me!  Thank you for the legacy they left behind them, that so many others are blessed from.  Thank you for the wonderful things they taught me.  Help me to think about what I am leaving behind for others.  Though I don't have children of my own to follow behind me, you have given me the wonderful job of teaching.  Help me to make a difference to my students, to share you with them, to show them and teach them love and trust and faith in you.

Precious Moments

I don't want this to be overkill or anything, but I have wanted to share this since my mom passed and I haven't had the chance yet.  So, here's my chance.
Thursday, August 9, I woke up, went into mom's room to check on her, and once again, I was so thankful to see her breathing.  She was breathing much heavier.  But I was just glad to hear her breathing, she was still here... still with me.  I could still hug on her, kiss her, talk to her, sing to her, pray with her, read Scripture to her, hold her hand, touch her, smell her, love on her, and take care of her.  I gave her some more morphine, took Bella out and then came back in and changed her.  She wasn't responding to much at all, not even to being moved.  She wasn't opening her eyes really at all either.  But I still talked to her, and prayed with her and held her.  A little later I got a huge surprise as the phone rang, when I looked at the caller ID it had my cousin's name on it.  Now the big deal about that was, this was a cousin we hadn't heard from in years.....several years.  She has struggled with life.  She struggled when she was younger, college age, and for years after.  She got saved and changed her life around, found a great guy, got married and had two beautiful children.  But then the old demons came back and she started struggling again, not long after her mother passed away.  Her husband took the kids and moved back home with his family in South Carolina because it was no longer safe with her.  We didn't hear from her after that, always wondering where she was and how she was.  So....this was the cousin who called, what a shock!!!  She asked how my mom was doing and I told her a little of what had been going on and told her she wasn't doing well.  She asked me if I could just put the phone up to mom's ear so she could talk to her.  When I did that and my cousin started talking to her, my mom's eyes fluttered a little.  It was so amazing to see that!  I could tell she could hear her, and knew this was an important call, and it was special.  That was the last real response I saw from her.
The nurse came later that morning to check her vitals.  Her temperature was fine at 97.9.  Her oxygen level was 98%.  Her pulse was a bit high, but she was breathing pretty heavy.  When the nurse took mom's blood pressure it was 90/50.  I asked if that was bad.  She brought my aunt and I out into the hallway and told us that it was a very low blood pressure.  She said when it's that low, it's a sign of the body shutting down.  She said it could be hours, or it could be days, you just can never tell.  That was difficult to hear.  I mean I think you get to a point that you know it can't be much longer, but somehow you just hope against hope that things might change, that a miracle might happen, that you'll get more time.  Even though you don't want to see them like that, there's still a desire to have them with you.  I guess maybe it could be that when they are still with you, there is still a chance for a miracle or something.  With that new knowledge I knew it was going to be a day close to home and especially close to mom.  That day was spent in the kitchen and in mom's room.  Taking Bella out was the farthest I went that day!  I kept going into mom's room to talk to her and sing to her, and read the Bible to her.  I just wanted to be around her, even though she was not responding at all.  I would go out of the room once in a while and her sister would go in and spend time with her.  Then I would go in later to spend more time with her.  That's pretty much how the day went.  Again, she wasn't eating, so I spent time swabbing her mouth with water, so it wouldn't be so dry.  She was breathing so heavy with her mouth open, I knew it had to be getting pretty dry.  Between my aunt and myself, we never left mom's side that day.
That night my aunt asked me what I wanted to do about bed.  I didn't understand what she was asking.  Then she explained to me that one of us should stay up with her while the other slept and then switch.  I hadn't thought of that and I'm so glad she did.  I was so worried that mom would pass in the middle of the night and we would wake up in the morning and find her cold, and I didn't want that.  So, I was so glad she suggested that!  Since I am a night owl, and since I was keeping up with the Olympics and staying up late anyway, I offered to start off, and let my aunt sleep.  I watched the Olympics, swabbed mom's mouth, sang to her, talked to her, prayed with her, held her hand, spent time on my phone, and pretty much repeated that whole process.    At about one in the morning, mom's pastor texted to ask if it would be OK to come over to see her.  I told him that would be fine, I was still up.  He was unable to sleep because he had just gotten word that his niece was being flown to a hospital in another town in North Carolina because she had an accident with a horse.  He didn't know much, but heard that she had internal bleeding, and a couple of other problems.  So, he came over and we talked in mom's room for a while.  I sat holding mom's hand as we talked.  I just wanted to be close to her.  I noticed that she seemed to be breathing a little harder, and a couple of times would make a kind of huff sound, so I was watching her closely.  We talked for about a half hour, and then he left to head home.  After he left, I decided to charge my phone.  As I was plugging it in and listening to mom, I was also asking the Lord how I would know when to call my aunt to come into the room...just in case....  Mom seemed to be breathing heavier, but was it heavier than before or was I just thinking it was heavier...how would I know?  After asking that, I turned around to go sit beside mom some more and was shocked to see her eyes open a little bit.  That's the moment I knew to get my aunt to come into the room.  She came in and we both stood over mom, my aunt on one side while I was on the other.  We held her hands and rubbed her arms, and again talked to her, sang to her, prayed with her, basically just loved on her.  Earlier in that week I had a couple of people tell me to be sure to let her know it was OK to go.  Though I know they meant well, I was not even thinking of going there.  I never told that to my pappy, and he still went when it was his time.  Other people might be OK with doing that, but I'm not them.  So though I know they meant well, that was fine for them....but just not for me.  It wasn't OK with me!  How do I tell my best friend that it is OK to leave me.....leave me all alone...no dad, no brothers, no sisters, no husband, no boyfriend, no kids....just me...alone?  How do I tell this amazing woman who I loved to spend time with, even when she was sick and not able to do as much, that it was OK to go, leaving me without that fun partner to hang out with.  She's my mom, I need her, it's not OK.  All the memories of trips to the mall, beaches, aquariums, fairs, musicals, and plays at the Bushnell came flooding to mind.  All the memories of times spent together, with Bella, in the car, in the house, during holidays...memories that no one else except us could share came to mind.  All the memories of younger, healthier days came to mind, days where I would never have imagined having to even deal with something like this.  It was NOT OK.
But.............
As I stood there watching her breathe so heavily, something else came to mind....thoughts that even though mom had Alzheimer's and couldn't remember much, and even though she was not even really there, she was holding on.  I know she was holding on because in her mind it wasn't OK to leave me, she wanted to, but was hesitant to.  That's the moment I knew I had to do the difficult thing....that's the moment I looked into mom's eyes and told her what an amazing mom she was.  I told her that she lived such a great life doing so many things for so many people....helping so many....working so hard.  I told her she was my best gal and that I loved her so much!  I told her that her little love Bella was on the floor at the foot of the bed, just laying down and resting, and she was going to be OK.  I told her that her sister was standing next to her, holding her hand, and she was going to be OK.  I told her that I know she was looking right at me, and could see my eyes and my face and she could see that I was OK.  I told her we were all going to be OK, and that it was now time for her to take her rest, we were all going to be OK.  Eventually her breathing started to slow down, and it got softer, and continued to slow down and soften, and slow down and soften.  Pretty soon she took a short, quiet breath in and eventually another....and  another...and another, all the while my aunt and I reminded her that it was OK.  Then she took one more little breath in...and that was it....she didn't breathe in again, and she was gone from us.  Gone from us here, but happily home in heaven with her Lord and Savior...and my pappy, her beloved and very missed husband.  Though it was a very sad moment, it was also a very precious moment to see her sweetly go home.  My aunt looked at the clock and then I did.  The time was 2:09, but my aunt said when she looked it said 2:08, and she looked before I did.  So, at 2:08 on August 10, 2012, my precious mom, my best gal, my best friend.....my mommy... went home to heaven.  Her eyes sweetly shut on their own and her mouth was no longer gaping open as it had been while she was trying to get in those breaths.  I just kissed her more, and again told her how special she was to me.  Then I held her hand, and got the great picture from the previous post of our hands together.  There was still such strength in her hand, and it was a special moment to be able to hold it one more time...before the nurse came to pronounce her, and the funeral home came to take her.  These precious moments will always be in my memory and I am so thankful for them!!
Lord, thank you for the strength you've given me to make it through this summer with mom.  Thank you for the time to spend with her.  Thank you for allowing me to have the strength to take care of her.  Thank you for letting me be with her up to the end.  Thank you for all these precious moments!
I miss her so much, Lord!  It's hard to be here without her or my pappy.   But thank you for the memories and special times shared with these amazing people that you gave to me to be my parents.  It's been a privilege to be a part of our little family, nothing will ever be able to compare to it, and it was definitely a huge privilege to be able to take care of them.  They are in your hands now.  Give them my love!