I Often Repeat Repeat

Jack Prelutsky is a poet who writes some interesting, crazy, kooky kids poems. I found one of his books several years ago. The title of the book is A Pizza the Size of the Sun. I read most of the poems in this book to my students at the beginning of the year. They are something I use to help them get their coats and bookbags quietly before we line up to go home. Anyway, one of the poems in this book starts out: "I often repeat repeat myself, I often repeat repeat". I'm not sure how the rest of it goes and can't even think right now what it is even about. The reason it came to mind is because as I was getting ready for bed just now, that is what I found myself doing. My mom must have asked me, at least just now, three times what tomorrow was and if I had to go to school. I just took Bella out potty, came in and gave Bella her breath treat, then got mom's water and medicine that she has to take and gave it to her. As she was watching the 10 o'clock news she asked me, "What is tomorrow?" I told her, "It's Tuesday, Ma". "Oh, do you have school tomorrow?" "You know I always do." "Oh, ok." Bella finished her treat and came to get in bed with my mom. I pray with her every night lately because many to most nights she complains about these black things coming at her. She sometimes calls me back in the room to turn on the light because she doesn't know why these black things keep bothering her. So, at the suggestion of a couple of friends I have started praying with her before she goes to bed. It reminds me of what she used to do with me when I was a little girl, now the tables are turned. After I prayed, she asked, "What is tomorrow?" "It's Tuesday, Ma." "Do you have school?" "Of course" "Ok, goodnight. Love you, sleep tight." " Love you, too, you sleep well too." I went and made sure everything was locked up, turned out the lights, and got washed up. As I come out of the bathroom to go to bed she said, "Goodnight, tomorrow is Tuesday right?" "Yes, Ma." "Ok, love you." "Love you, too." This is just one example, but it is what I deal with each day now. I know maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but when that's your every day, it can be difficult. Sometimes I feel frustrated by the constant asking, then I feel bad that I feel frustrated, so it's a never ending cycle. The only thing that makes it tougher is that not only do I deal with it at home, but also in school this year. I actually have my students repeat every direction I give to make sure they are listening and paying attention. Even then I still all too often have the students ask what page we are on, or what they are supposed to do. One day, a while ago, I was teaching a new concept in Arithmetic and went through it a few times, one of my boys raised his hand and said, "I don't know if you already went over this or not, but I don't get how to do these problems." I told him I just finished going over those and I wasn't going to repeat it again. He was going to have to figure it out or take it home to get help. Maybe that seems cruel, but it wasn't the beginning of the year, and I have been teaching them to listen carefully the first time! It's been a tough go of it. I get up in the morning and often repeat myself in telling what day it is, telling what may be going on that day, or a number of other things. Then I go to school and often repeat myself with page numbers, well, actually I don't repeat page numbers, and haven't let my students repeat them either so each student learns to listen the first time. I often repeat instructions and information. Again, if truth be told, I don't repeat instructions much either, except just in teaching something better. Then, I come home and often repeat myself with the day again and whether or not mom needs to go to church later, or how my day was, or if all my kids were in school. Then, many times the night routine happens again. So between school and home it's a little tough, especially when this is about the only conversation I get during the day. This is probably why I talk too much! :) I feel badly about talking so much, but sometimes I just need regular conversation. I don't like to call people because I feel that I am going to bother them, so, I don't have a boyfriend, a husband, or even a brother or sister to call, so I thrive on conversation during the day at school because nights are quiet. Blogging has definitely been a help, too. But I am also learning that the Lord is my everything, and He is always there for me.
Lord, thank you for the peace of knowing that you are always there! I definitely could not do this without you. Even those evenings and days of constant repeating, you know what I'm feeling and you offer comfort and hope. Also, thank you for your grace and mercy when I foolishly repeat things that I know don't please you. Thanks for loving me and bringing me back to you.

I don't even know.....

We had quite the interesting day today! As I was teaching Arithmetic this morning, I was a little shocked to hear the fire alarm go off. Not just because we as teachers usually get a little warning, though not all the time, but more so because it was a rainy, raw day! We don't usually have a fire drill if it's rainy so the kids don't have to stand out in the rain, especially when it's chilly. Plus since we didn't know about it we couldn't warn kids to keep coats with them or something. It made me wonder if something happened, everyone seemed to be a little shocked, even the principal came out after everyone was outside and looked a little confused. Thankfully I had my umbrella, for those of you who know me, as I've said a thousand times before, I can't afford for my hair to get wet, it doesn't bounce back!! :) Anyway, we are standing there shivering like crazy, and some were getting wet as well. The principal came out again and finallytold us to come back in. When we did, Cathy came to ask if I had heard that it wasn't just one of those rare fire drills, oh no! It was pulled by a kindergarten student. Wow, I couldn't help but laugh out loud about that...I know I'm so pitiful sometimes! I did however find it quite funny, but was able to control myself enough to talk to my class about how we did with the fire drill. As we were talking about that, and I was getting ready to get back into the Arithmetic lesson...the fire alarm goes off...again!!! I couldn't believe it. Once again, we made our way outside, but as we were leaving, we as teachers were told that it was just a test from the fire department that time and we didn't need to go out. Many of 1st through 3rd graders had already gone out, and it was raining harder that time! We got them all back in quickly, though. My what a morning!! I finally got in my Arithmetic lesson in. We got through our other subjects without a problem. The students finally got to recess, but some had to finish their seat work, and I had a flute lesson to make up. Cathy needed me to got to the gym to watch the kids for a little bit while she went to take care of something. While I was in there the kindergarten were trying to tell me which of them pulled the alarm, then told that the person who did tried to blame it on someone else at first. I kept my poise, but man did I want to burst out laughing!! When I got back to the classroom, Olivia, my flute student was telling me that another student was dancing while she was playing. He decides to show me what he was doing, he says, "I was just doing this, because it sounded pretty!" Then he shows me this flailing arm, funky knee thing. I told him he needed to just stop, " I'm sure Olivia does not appreciate that, so sit and get your work done". I must admit I did have a little smirk on my face because it was a funny looking little dance, pretty pitiful actually! Well, wouldn't you know it, he wasn't done showing off his awful dancing skills. They came up again in Science class. We were playing a game and he got the answer right, so he decided to grace the whole class with his sad moves! I just looked at him, then I did that mouth thing, see, sometimes I just have to say things and they just kinda come out in some creative crazy ways, I don't know how I get away with it, but somehow I do, well that's what took place...I looked at him and in only my crazy way said, " Black people do not dance like that! I don't understand how you can be black and dance like that with no rhythm, how sad! ( Nope not done yet!) You need to ask your dad to get you a plane ticket to Africa so somebody there can teach you some rhythm, son!" He thought it was pretty funny and so did everyone else, including myself actually! :) Oh this mouth of mine. Well, that wasn't the only funny part that happened. A few minutes after one of my girls got the right answer and did a little jog kinda thing and the boy told her, "Well, you don't have much rhythm either". My other girl looks at him and says, "Yea, but she's not from Africa!" My head went down and I just shook, I think I scared the kids for a second because they came up to my table to see if I was OK, but I was laughing too hard to answer!! It was just so classic and quick, gotta love those moments!
Lord, thank you for days like this that are so out of the ordinary that they are very memorable and fun. Thank you for allowing me some moments to just laugh and enjoy this class! It was great to laugh so much, I'm sure you got a few good chuckles as well. Days like this help to break up the monotony or frustrations sometimes felt at this time of year. Thanks for giving us opportunities to enjoy one another in fun ways. May we have more special memories this year.

On My Heart...

You may be thinking that I am going to relay some things that the Lord has laid on my heart, but no, that's not exactly what this post is. The reason I am really writing this post is because I have heard this phrase quite a few times lately! About a month or so ago a friend Kasey sent me a message on Facebook telling me that early that morning she wasn't able to sleep so she started praying. Then she said the words, "The Lord laid you on my heart". I was so touched by that! It meant so much to me to hear. It was a morning I truly needed to hear that. The Lord had her praying for things that I don't normally share with anyone. It's amazing how God works! A little bit later Kasey sent a message to my inbox to tell me that the Lord laid me on her heart again and kept bringing me to heart and mind about certain things that she finally had to share with me. It was definitely such a huge blessing in my life at this time! There are still other times where she will jot me a note to let me know the Lord laid me on her heart and she prayed for me. A couple of months ago, a couple of former students of mine-twins (Tiff and Sam), who I now have as friends, each on totally different days told me they were praying for me. What a special feeling to know that, especially since they are former students of mine. As they grew up we went from student/teacher relationship to friends. How special to hear those words, just wanted you to know I prayed for you because the Lord laid you on my heart! Just last week a highschool teacher that I had recently talked to went by my room and just quickly let me know that she had prayed for me. What a special feeling! Once again the Lord put me on someone's heart. Then, a day or so later, a friend who is now working at the school blessed me and had me in tears after school. This friend, Sarah, has gotten together with some parents at the school and every morning they pray for the school, teachers, students, the principal, and any others who work or help at the school. Well, she told me that last week they decided to pray for me, specifically for the Lord's will for my life in the area of singleness. Talk about overwhelmed, I truly was blessed by that! It's a pretty incredible feeling! If you can believe it, it happened again, just a couple of days ago. I was watching my UConn boys and I posted on Facebook that those were the times I missed my pappy because we would always watch the college basketball games together. If it wasn't our team, then we would just choose a team as we watched and cheer for them. Then when our team won we would cheer and scream and have so much fun. Of course, that would drive mom a little crazy as we would usually end up waking her up and she would always worry about the neighbors, which of course could hear nothing as we were downstairs in the basement. :) It was a cute thought though. :) Well, when I posted that I missed him, yet another friend told me she was sending hugs my way, then she said, "I often find myself thinking of you and praying, God just puts you on my heart"! Wow, my heart was just so blesses and overwhelmed by this. So many times recently the Lord has shown Himself to me in just that simple phrase. How can I doubt that He loves and cares for me when I constantly have been getting that reminder. This is to my shame, though, because so many times recently I have been telling the Lord that I didn't feel Him, I didn't feel that He cared, or I just didn't understand why I was struggling with so many of the things in my life and wondered where He was. Could He be making it any more clear to me? Sometimes it takes me a while to get things, but I kinda think I got this one...if He keeps putting me on people's hearts, then doesn't that make sense that I am constantly on His heart? What an awesome feeling!! I'm so thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, and SO thankful for His love for me!
Thank you so much, Lord for showing me your love over and over and over...and over again! Forgive me for those too often times of doubt. Each time those wrong, silly thoughts come into my mind may I remember these moments again and just feel your constant embrace! Help me to love you that much as well. And, help me to be able to be that much of an encouragement to someone else that needs to feel, know, and be reminded of your love. Be my all in all! I love you, Lord!

March Madness

This will be my first blog after actually inviting people to read it. Thank you, Shannon for becoming a follower, that means so much to me! Also, thank you to the others of you who have said that you would be willing to read it.

I love March Madness!!!! It is one of my favorite times of the year! My friend Kasey's husband
Adam calls it his Christmas! I love that!!! I'm going to have to borrow that thought! I absolutely adore college basketball! Ok, that was definitely a weird way of putting it...ah well, I have lots of weird quirks! :) Just today I was watching several games, and just finished watching Kent St. vs. Akron and Washington vs. Arizona. I was literally running back and forth from the guest room T.V. to the kitchen T.V. to watch these two games. Both were so close and so exciting to watch! Akron won theirs, but at the end as they were celebrating, they ended up stepping on one of the opposing teams players who was laying on the court. That almost started a huge throwdown! There was a lot of pushing, but they got it cleared so Akron could celebrate. Then Washington beat Arizona on a last second buzzer beater shot! It was awesome! I don't even know these teams that well, and I don't really care who wins, but it's just so much fun to watch and cheer!! This is why I love college basketball and March Madness!! I have even incorporated it into my classroom as an incentive. We have two teams who compete for four weeks, which are the four quarters of the game. The students get points for work, tests, and behavior. It's lots of work for me, but worth it to keep them motivated! I tell my kids all the time that the reason I love college basketball is because no matter how badly a team may be doing, they continue to play so hard. What a great lesson!! These teams never say die! That's something that is great to remember in life.
I was watching the UConn game last night so I didn't finish this post. What a great game to watch last night. And another great example of the never say die spirit. This was UConn's fifth game in five days and people were wondering if they could keep up enough energy and strength to pull out another win. They started out pretty good against Louisville, but before half time they started coming back. I decided to watch the last part of it in bed, because sadly last night we lost an hour of sleep. How can I sleep early with my boys playing. So, I took Bella out got her to bed with my mom, then got in bed to watch the game. Many moments I spent with tbe covers over my eyes, but there were a few moments where I had confidence to look and cheer. Finally, the last few seconds I was brave enough to see us pull through and finish with a fifth win in five days!!! I was so excited!! I wanted to cheer so badly, but just settled for a loud clap and some silent cheering! I started tearing up because I was so excited for them, but also because I was missing my dad. It just made me think because normally we would have been watching it together downstairs. When they won we would have been jumping up and down, screaming, cheering, and hugging each other. It brought back some sweet memories, that left me a little sad. I love this time, I love the memories, and I can't wait to see more!!
Lord, thank you for the lessons we can learn from college basketball. Thank you for the great memories of my pappy. Please tell him I miss him dearly, and give him hugs for me.

Just a quick vent...

I have already mentioned this a little in another post, but just have different thoughts to add.

A couple of times when I shared my recent struggles with my mom people would kind of grin/smile and say to me, "Oh, sounds like having kids", or " Oh, now you know what those of us who have kids feel like", or " Now you know what it's like to have kids". This hurt me each time I heard it, because no, I sadly don't have a clue what it's like to have children, but I just don't feel it's at all the same. I would try to explain to them that I don't feel it is the same because for one thing I can't discipline my mom. I feel bad that I have let it bother me so much, but it just hurts because it almost feels as though they are trying to diminish what I am feeling and going through by making it seem that they sort of understand. I know they don't by any means mean to sound like that. But this is something that unless you are right in it, it will be hard to understand. One of the most difficult things for a child is to see your parents age and then to try to take over that place. I'm not supposed to tell my mom what to do, she's my mom, not my child. I don't think people understand how hard that can be. Each morning I get up and take Bella out and I have to try to remember each time to tell mom to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Sometimes she says ok and does, other times she says, "Yes, mother". Then once in a while she will say she doesn't need to get up now, she doesn't need to go or she already got up and went. If this was a child you would discipline them for the times that they did not obey right away, especially if the bed ended up being wet. I can't do that with my mom. Then there are times when the bed is wet, sometimes on those days, mom will just say that it's time for her to go to a nursing home. This is hard to hear, and kids aren't going to talk like that. Yes, I do get the fact that kids do wet the bed and the thought that what I am going through is like having kids seems like it would fit here, but for a child you know they will eventually get it down and get better. That won't happen in my mom's case. It's also been frustrating because mom loves to feed Bella, not dog food, but whatever mom is eating. She will give her 5 or more french fries, or let her lick her plate, or put some of her food in Bella's bowl. I worry that she won't be careful about what she gives and will end up giving Bella something that could make her really sick or kill her. Bella is also gaining too much weight and I'm afraid that is going to kill her too. I try to tell my mom this, but she just ignores me. She's not a child so what do I do? Plus she is at home with her all day by herself, how can I keep her from doing that? A parent even though they often feel stuck can get away for a night and have someone babysit. I can go out, and I don't have to or don't even have someone to sit for her. So when I'm out I feel guilty for leaving her at home by herself for so long. Then I also worry about whether or not she is ok. I try to get home to make sure she is ok, Bella is ok, and before she has to take Bella out at night. I don't like her being outside by herself. When I ask her not to go downstairs or not to take a shower when I'm not here, she doesn't understand why she can't do the things she has always done. These are just some of the many things I have been thinking about wanting to vent to show that no indeed, taking care of an ailing, mentally struggling parent, is not quite the same as having kids. There are many similarities, but also many difficult differences. I guess I would just like someone to understand that.
Lord, forgive me for having a wrong spirit when people may not understand or know the right things to say. Keep me humble and kind. Help me not to allow something that someone said maybe without thinking about it fully to bother me so much. Let me bring it to you and leave it there. Thank you for understanding and always being there for me when I need you. Thank you for caring and taking care of me through these struggles! Please help me to keep looking up!

Spirit Week!

This week is Spirit Week! I always enjoy this week, and this year I was so excited because we were doing an 80's day!!!! I love the 80's!! So with that to look forward to, I was excited about this week. It had to be better than last week...at least I hoped so. The first day was duct tape day, since I had no duct tape and had no clue what to do, I just waited because my flute student Elisabeth said she would make a bracelet for me with her zebra print duct tape. That morning her mother Amy came to the door of my classroom. She pinned a beautiful zebra print rose on me. That was just that start of my duct tape day. Later I looked for a highschool boy Jonny because his mom told me that he had something special that he made for me. When I found him with a duct tape vest and belt and bracelet that he made himself, he looked awesome!! He brings me a huge duct tape flower ring! Loved it!! Then Elisabeth made me an adorable bracelet and ring! They spoil me so much! It's fun to be spoiled!

Wednesday was the day...my day...80's day!! My alarm went off and I could not get back to sleep because of thinking of all the fun things I was going to do! Oh how fun to put on my makeup and put blue eyeliner, blue mascara and blue eyeshadow on. As I was getting ready, it felt just like getting ready for highschool!! What fun! I had a scrunchy, put a nice big pony tail on top of my head. I broke out my hot pink shirt with a bright blue tank top, my jean skirt, leggings, and of course, best part...leg warmers!! I topped it off with my pink converse. I had jelly bracelets and a ring pop and some mentos and mirrored sunglasses with pink on the sides. There were some GREAT outfits that day!! I walked down the hallway feeling like I was back in school! How fun! Side note: blue makeup can be really hard to take off. :)

Thursday was space/future day. That was another fun one to see kids dressed up as aliens, space officers, people in the future, Star Wars characters. It was definitely tons of fun! Then Friday was funny sock/school color day. That was also fun to see...and I'm sure some of us were fun to see as first through third grade had a field trip to The Claypen on Farmington Ave. in West Hartford. We had to walk down the street with our crazy looks to get to the place. It is a great place and I'm so glad we went, looking forward to going again sometime soon! We each got plates to paint however we wanted. It was fun and the kids did well, even though it's tough to get some of them to take their time and be neat. I am so looking forward to seeing how they come out after they have been glazed and placed in the kiln. We shall see next Friday! It is so much fun to have weeks like these for something a little different, but it is also a bit exhausting...of course it didn't help that I was feeling a bit sick this week. But on to next week, which for third grade will be another good one. Monday is 9 day!! I have placed 9's all over the school for the kids to see and wonder about, then for math class I teach them the 9 multiplication table and all the cool things you can do with it! Then Tuesday starts March Madness!! The classroom is already decorated for that, too. Should prove to be a good time! I know I'm excited!

Valentine's Day 2011

1. Me, talking about Valentine's Day?? Ha! This is usually I day where I wear a teeny bit of red, but plenty of black. I mean what single person is really thrilled with this day? Well, maybe others have a better attitude than I do, but I'm sure there are one or two others out there who feel as I do! The day came so quickly this year...actually I have felt a little off many times this year. But last week sometime I thought, it would be nice to just go ahead and buy myself some roses. Since no one else is going to buy me any, why not treat myself? Then I thought about what I would put on the card to myself. The Lord then put something else in my mind. Now the plan was still to buy myself flowers, but instead of buying just myself a dozen roses, I would share them. I talked to a couple of friends and they thought it would be a nice idea. Friday night I got up the courage to text my "mom", Kim Weber, to ask her if this would be doable. She said she thought it would. She called me on Saturday and we got it all settled. The Lord then gave me the words for the cards: I love you, I have always loved you! You are beautiful and you mean the world to me. On this day I want you to know how special you are to me! I hope these roses bring you as much joy as you bring me. Love, God. I still was a bit selfish, I got half a dozen roses for me. Then I had three roses for my friends Sam and Karen. It was the first time I actually looked forward to Valentine's Day! I knew friends would be getting a nice surprise and it made me excited. It took my mind off of the struggle I often feel being single and never really experiencing anything special on this day. That morning the flowers were delivered, I loved seeing mine and reading the message again. Then Sam came out and talked about how she got great flowers, when I pretended not to know what she was talking about she didn't believe me, and asked me if I got flowers from God because He loves me too. Then Karen asked me if I had gotten roses and she said how special that was for her. I tried not to tell her that I had given them to her. But I had to let her know because she was going to write a thank you note to someone else, so I didn't want her to get embarrassed by doing that. So, I finally did tell her. She was so surprised and said that made them even more special. She said she bawled in front of her class, but it was such a good lesson for her kids. They kept asking her who they were from-a boyfriend or her son. She was able to share with them that it was a reminder to her from God about how much He loves her. She said they were very quiet, and she could tell they were really getting it. At the end of the day we made sugar cube igloos. One of my parents got the stuff and showed how to make it. What a wonderfully fun way to end the day. I left school that afternoon with a huge smile on my face. I think I am going to incorporate this idea each year for Valentine's Day! I know I was blessed and it was great to know that I could bless someone else's day. Thank you, Lord, for not allowing me to dwell on myself and my sadness or discontent on a day like that. Thank you for the idea to be a blessing to someone else and thanks for reminding each of us that you love us and delight in us! Help me to always remember. It's wonderful to be loved!